I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

VernAKmiss
Posts: 147
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Nov 02, 2020 5:31 pm

I’m going to give a bit of an intro here... I have always been interested in Spanking in a sexual way and have always imagined the punishment side of things but never really knew what it was that I was looking for until recently I discovered DD and I want it so badly to be more than ‘fun spanking’. I crave structure. My husband to have more say in the household and accountability. I have recently come out to my husband that I want to begin implementing DD into our relationship. He was hesitant but is open to the idea. He struggled with the idea of actually hurting me and the fact that he knows I enjoy spanking sexually so how would that be a punishment? He spanked me for the first time last week with his hand and the bath brush that I bought and it left bruising and it felt so right. It wasn’t for anything specific, we haven’t made rules or goals at all, it was mainly just to try it out. I was very proud of him for being willing to use something besides his hand. I’m trying to tread lightly not to overwhelm him but I also want to help educate him on the potential benefits to come for both is us. I’m working on writing this out to teach him mostly so he can make educated conversation with me and we can agree on a game plan going forward. Do any of you have suggestions to an apprehensive HOH and a newbie submissive wife??? We’ve been married 10 years, have 4 kids and one on the way.

The letter to my husband: it’s still in editing and he just left to be out of town for a few days so I want to send it to him in the next day or two. Suggestions greatly appreciated. I wanted to provide examples to provide a bit of structure as he’s not a very creative person but I don’t want him to think they are exact expectations either as I know that as we go and experience this more he will get more comfortable and creative.
:arrow:
So I realize going into the realm of Domestic Discipline seems really odd and unnatural to you along with the feelings that you are hurting me which every bone in your loving and caring body goes against... so I wanted to write this out in more detail so you have the opportunity to read about where I’m wanting to (eventually/maybe) go with this and you can make a more informed decision. We can absolutely take things slow and ease into any of it you are comfortable with. I do not want to push you, I want this to be fun, and a supplement to our already outstanding marriage. I also realize that this is a big commitment on your end and you may feel like it is a huge responsibility to keep track of my “wrong doings” and then take time and effort away from other things you could be doing to spank me and work on this area of our lives. It does require your effort and commitment and willingness to step into this role. I don’t wish that you become the micromanager of my life but more of an accountability partner for the things we agree that I work on. I will do my best to make it as easy on you as possible and we can definitely just start with one or two things from the list below and add to it over time or even do it for a trial period of time and see how it feels for both of us. It hasn’t been easy expressing my desire for this lifestyle to you fully but my need for this is to be a part of my life is to ultimately be an even better version of myself, to have the up most respect for you as my husband, the leader and the head of our household and to bring us closer than ever before. I love the traditional roles we play in our household and I am so thankful that with you I am able to be home, raising and teaching our kids, cooking our meals and caring for the household chores and other things. I’m so grateful for all you do to provide for us financially so that we all have everything we need. It felt so amazing to be spanked more severely than ever before the other night with the bath brush, I may have been saying ow in the moment, but the after effect for now 3 days later is still there and I absolutely love the reminder of it. The gentle pat or pinch or smack with the towel in front of company on my bruised bottom reminded me that I am yours. I love you so much and I can’t even begin to imagine this life without you. Below I made a list of my own rules/goals that I want to work on, definitely not all at the same time but just some I’ve had in my mind for awhile and I’ve added to it as I’ve thought of things. These would need to be discussed in detail and I would want your perspective on them and to hear of anything you would like me to work on as well. I want to be a wife who is loving and caring and respects her husband in every way.


Rules/ Goals:
🖤Absolutely no porn, at all. This is something I really want to stop. It seems to come and go for me and I know it is wrong and I shouldn’t do it. I also want you to be my source of pleasure, not some acted video online.
🖤Not loosing my cool with the kids.
🖤Limiting sweets to once or twice on weekends only or pre approved special events.
🖤No hanging up when frustrated on the phone with you.
🖤Being respectful to you as your wife and not talking down to, disregarding or second guessing you. Expressing my differing opinion about something in a respectful way.
🖤Having a positive attitude and keeping grumpy and snippy moods in check.
🖤Keeping up on daily household tasks I set for myself to get done or completing things you request. (Ex. Please get our room cleaned up or the car cleaned out or the shoes picked up today or this week or whatever time frame you request and other home related chores.)
🖤Setting time limits on apps and not overriding them to keep me off my phone and more engaged with my kids and family. No/limited phone during school time with kids.
🖤Confess immediately to you any broken rule or missed goal.
🖤 Always ask permission to orgasm. No matter the circumstances.
🖤phone off at 11:30, get better sleep.
🖤Bible Study/reflection/prayer more regularly
🖤Stay within budget, no overdraft transfer fees.

Punishment spanking
Would be an as immediate as possible spanking for breaking a specific rule/goal and the most severe. (Ideally that evening or a quick trip up to the bathroom when the kids are around.) It would need be completely nonsexual for either of us. You would remain clothed and I would at least have a bare bottom, but I could be completely naked or partially dressed, your choice. You need to be able to see what the effects are on my skin at least. Would always begin with a reminder of why we are in this position, you can have me sit on the floor in front of you, stand in front of you or over your lap before the spanking begins. You can simply just ask me ‘why am I doing this?’ And let me explain my wrong doings to your liking asking me questions as needed. I would like to be required to respond with ‘Yes Sir’ in all spanking situations when needed. Then starting with a hand spanking to warm up my skin preferably over your knee for 3-5 minutes until the skin is warm to the touch. Then it is up to you to get creative as to what comes next or we could have a set of consequences/protocol already lined out. We could have the list of rules and the punishment that goes with breaking them. A ‘warm up’ will always be assumed before the actual punishment. Unless it’s something that you decide isn’t necessary and we need to be very quick, like a run up to the bathroom, lean me over the sink, you pull down my undies and pants and you give me 5 swats with the bath brush on each side quickly and firmly and pull up my pants and off we go with a quick verbal reminder of why that happened. (thinking about you doing that to me right before we leave the house to go somewhere maybe as a reminder to make healthy choices or have a positive attitude.😱)

For example (not necessarily what we would choose to use but just so you get what I mean) we would discuss a couple of rules/goals to start out and determine a punishment that goes with it and as you get more comfortable you will be able to switch things up and determine if I need more or longer or whatever.

Lying: 20 swats with the bath brush, bent over the couch
Being Disrespectful: 15 swats with the belt laying across the bed
Loosing my cool with the kids: 5 minutes with a wooden hair brush over your knee
Eating more sweet treats than agreed upon: 3 min with the hair brush, corner time, & 15 with the belt
Etc.... there could also be things that come into play like moving too much from the position I’m meant to stay in. Could result in the punishment starting over, being plugged or additional swats with another implement. You can also take time to have me stand in the corner or against the wall with my hands on my head or behind my back to await further punishment. Like after the warm up while you are determining what will come next or between implements or position changes. This would also be the opportunity (as an additional punishment) for me to not be allowed to cum that evening at all. (This is where the, yes I may be turned on afterwards part comes in to play, but I don’t get the reward.) And after you are satisfied with the punishment a time of aftercare would happen (where you sit with me, hold me, tell me you love me, we talk through what happened, I apologize for what I’ve done and you rub my back or apply lotion to my bottom.


Maintenance spanking
Is a spanking that happens on a regularly agreed on one day/week or every other week or however we decide fits our schedule and is less severe than a punishment spanking. (I feel with just starting out on this journey weekly would be better to get more practice and learn more with it. Also to have set expectations for both of us. “It’s Thursday night, we both know what that means.” I would like to think that if this is something you’re interested in moving forward with we could discuss rules/goals and begin a maintenance spanking schedule and hold off on punishment spankings until we are both comfortable) Similar to a punishment spanking but is allowed to end in pleasure for both of us but with the spanking session being first and separate from the sexual part. These type of spankings are also helpful in relieving my stress and really the structure I crave in anticipation of ‘Thursday night’. The conversation before would encompass reviewing all of the rules/goals and talking about any areas of struggle, areas of success or modifications to the rules that need to be made, anything added or removed could be done then. We could write a list and keep it in a special journal or something. A time of conversation for both of us to have input and discussion on how things are going. Then the spanking would begin. Again I believe starting with a hand spanking over the knee as a warm up is best practice. And with a bare bottom at least and can progress to complete naked or just start that way, whatever you decide. During this spanking it would be a good time to test new implements, positions and limits and allow safe words or ask for my color rating if you are feeling unsure about how much more I can take while we are both still learning.
💚Green/ meaning I’m okay, keep going with intensity and length. Good to go.
💛Yellow/ getting close to limit... decrease or slow strength/speed. Slow it down a bit but keep going.
❤️Red/ STOP. Stop all and everything immediately. (Red should not be a goal for you to reach and hopefully should never need to be used.)

So with a maintenance spanking you may mention a few things about what you have witnessed over the past week or bring up things I mention in our conversation before hand and say like I noticed you’ve had a much more positive attitude towards the kids. Or you have been on your phone way more than you need to be. Reassuring me of the good things I do but also being firm and reminding me of the things I have agreed to work on. Like I know it’s hard when the house is full of Halloween candy but I’m going to remind you to leave it alone this week. Etc... then you proceed with the spanking. This would be a good time to play with different positions, we can discuss after what we liked and didn’t like, taking note of things I didn’t like to use during punishment spankings . Bent over the couch arm in our room, hands on the end table with back flat and legs apart, on the bed on my knees legs apart bent forward laying on my chest, you sitting on the bed me laying over your lap, standing with my hands against the wall or kneeling on the seat of the recliner with my arms on the back, laying on my back on the bed with my legs up and holding them towards my face with my hands, on all fours on the bed or floor. Lots of options here. And using different implements... I would be open to testing them all, wooden or plastic hair brush, ruler or yard stick, a belt, paddle, wooden spoon, leather strap, crop, that bamboo stick that is in the garage would certainly be a quick and effective punishment option. Always starting slow and building up intensity with a new implement to learn my reactions to them. This is also where you could use plugs or pussy spanking or corner time at your discretion for things like moving out of position. Then when you are satisfied and feel I have been thoroughly reminded the after care would begin, we talk, you rub oil or lotion on me and we cuddle. I thank you and tell you how much I needed that and appreciate your loving guidance.

Jacob HF
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by Jacob HF » Mon Nov 02, 2020 6:12 pm

VernAKmiss

I don't have much to say but I didn't want your post to sit unreplied to for long. You put a lot of thought and effort into it.

Since your husband is new to all of this I understand why you went over everything with such detailed suggestions. However, it's important for both of you to understand that these kinds of guidelines are DD training wheels at best.

It's important that reasonably quickly you two start doing things your way, not following someone else's formula. It's also important, maybe even more so, that your husband make decisions about implements, durations, positions, etc. You should be part of the conversation so that everyone knows it will be safe and effective, but if you are telling him exactly how you want to be spanked then you are the one in charge.

I hope it goes well for you, but not too well :)

--Jacob

P.S. The analyst in me wants to tell you to use more paragraph breaks. Paragraphs are your friend :) .

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Mon Nov 02, 2020 6:28 pm

Lol! I really appreciate your comment and certainly do expect him to be the one in charge and we do need the training wheels at first at least until he gets more comfortable with discipline as a whole and has the experience ‘under his belt’ ;) to be creative. He has never spanked me with anything other than his hand other than the one time bath brush, so I feel that it’s essential to have ‘practice’ to experience an array of positions and implements to find out what we like the best. I think I will make it a point in my intro to him to explain that these are just some basic guidelines and not expectations and we will find our own groove as we learn and grow. I will also plan to edit some more and add more paragraphs, I wrote this all in a couple hours and spewed it all out because it was all a jumble in my brain. Great suggestions thank you. ♥️

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DesertRose
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by DesertRose » Tue Nov 03, 2020 4:41 pm

I appreciate the time and effort you took to post everything in detail. In addtion to Jacob's advice, I would suggest that you don't send your husband everything in this length and detail. He is new to the idea .. and he's hesitant at the beginning, so you may sound pushy and you had everything planned out without him.

I know that you will inform him that these are not the expectations for now.. but honslty I myself felt overwhelmed reading them. I can sense your sincerity and excitement, which is beautiful, but remember that you are steps ahead of your husband, and it is important that you be where your husband at.

Tell him about all the aspects without the details. It is better to decide those details together on your weekly meetings.

All the best to you!
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

VernAKmiss
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Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Tue Nov 03, 2020 5:48 pm

I appreciate your comment but it’s too late. I sent it this morning and he has received it but not read it yet. I am hoping that it wasn’t too much and it would be more as an introductory education to the basics. I wanted to expose him to ‘all’ of the information so that he could be properly informed up front. He’s not one to just google on his own and do research like I am. He’s very much uneducated on the whole topic. So I’m hoping it acts as a resource he can go back to. I did edit it some more and made it clear that this was all just a basic structure and certainly not expected of him and that whatever aspects he was comfortable with we would ease into slowly and find our own groove with it.

I have this crazy nervous feeling though. The anticipation of some sort of reply from him regarding this message is making me nuts lol. Like is he going to just be like uhmmmm no way in heck would I do this... or the hint at an apprehensive yes let’s talk about it.... ahhhh!! 🤯😱🤷🏽‍♀️😫😝

Olivia
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by Olivia » Tue Nov 03, 2020 8:14 pm

Ooohhhh, that's so difficult!! I hope he reads it soon and your nerves can settle!!

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Tue Nov 03, 2020 9:02 pm

Thanks. I’ll post an update when he responds.

leenicolelinn
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by leenicolelinn » Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:38 am

Hi Vern.
I sent a post to you earlier in regards to your letter but it is not in this thread. Hmmm I must have push the wrong button. Sorry, Anyway it looks like you already sent the letter. Good luck

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

VernAKmiss
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Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:13 pm

leenicolelinn wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:38 am
Hi Vern.
I sent a post to you earlier in regards to your letter but it is not in this thread. Hmmm I must have push the wrong button. Sorry, Anyway it looks like you already sent the letter. Good luck

Nic
I would love to chat with you more about another post you made. Can you PM ME?

VernAKmiss
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Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: I want to implement DD, a letter to my husband...

Post by VernAKmiss » Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:26 pm

Well he read it last night and I asked him if he thought I was bat sh*t crazy and he said no and that he loved me... we haven’t talked about it more than that but I suppose that’s positive?

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