Telling family.

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NateG
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Re: Telling family.

Post by NateG » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:23 pm

Hunterjumper38 wrote:
Sat Apr 11, 2020 11:36 am
Nate,
I totally agree with you about the S and M world seeming to be more accepted. As for submitting to your spouse, I have told that to my sister. We are both Christians and she and I both have the same understanding that our husbands are the head of our households in the Christian sense. I told her that I was trying to be more submissive and have him lead our home. She actually was so amazed by that and wished she could be that way. Of course, I didn’t tell her that I get punished for misbehaving. But I do agree that there shouldn’t be an issue with being submissive in a relationship and having a person who has more authority.
Hunterjumper38,

I totally agree that those things are thrust upon us. I don't just them either...I can't tell people what they should be attracted to or "into"..but I don't like it forced up us. I have friends into all kinds of different lifestyles and I usually ask them, if they wanted to be thought of and accepted like everyone else, then why do you engage in these crazy things that usually turn people off and away, like in your face wild parades?

I am so glad you were able to tell your sister at least part of this. I'm sure it is nice having someone in the family who knows a little. Glad she seemed supportive of your goals. And yes, there is nearly always...one person in a relationship that is the real leader and final authority, so what's wrong with acknowledging that instead of both parties trying to lead and bump heads?

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NateG
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Re: Telling family.

Post by NateG » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:27 pm

Beauty,

Thanks for responding. I agree with all your points. I also think it is good that the kids know "Daddy is in charge". Hopefully that will save some of the back and forth stuff kids do sometimes trying to play one against the other. lol But it is also good for them to know and understand that their is a head of household. I think it would give them some sense of security.

Nate

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NateG
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Re: Telling family.

Post by NateG » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:44 pm

Joshua,

You have been in this relationship long enough that your friends and probably family know who is in charge. Without knowing the total dynamics. I'm glad you are comfortable in the relationship and showing her deference in public.

I wonder what I would think if I knew you personally on the "outside" not knowing anything else about you? Not knowing you from the forum. If I only knew you as an acquaintance, honestly, I might wonder why you let her be in charge etc. I wouldn't hold it against you or think less of you, but I would probably wonder why? But, if I knew the whole dynamic, the punishments and whole DD lifestyle that you live, I think it would be more acceptable to me, even before I knew much about DD. I'm thinking of me 10 or 15 years ago...I would have been more understanding knowing the whole deal instead of just seeing it from an acquaintance perspective and wondering. But it still wouldn't have been any of my business and I'd have no reason to know anything. I'm just thinking out loud here and thinking how I would react. Hope it makes some sense.

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NateG
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Re: Telling family.

Post by NateG » Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:49 pm

Flrswats2 wrote:
Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:07 am
I wish this wasn’t true. But I would be humiliated if any of my family knew that I was spanked for discipline by my wife. The concept of DD is already pretty misunderstood, but than to also be a man and not the dominant one, I’m not sure this would be understood by family either. Funny enough, we recently lived in condo style living and I didn’t really care when I was spanked in our bedroom. Which was right next to the neighbors bedroom. I’m pretty sure they could hear the paddle landing on my rear. It was fairly loud. But I didn’t really care. I guess letting family know is a different kind of awareness. The neighbors never mentioned anything but if I saw them the day after a spanking they always gave me kind of a smirk.
I think you are right Flrswats2. It is harder to accept or understand the man not being the dominant one. But we have all known very dominate women and sometimes they are just the natural leader.

I think it would be harder to tell your family than it would be to have neighbors or others know or guess. Maybe it's because you can always move away from neighbors and not have anything to do with friends who might object, but it is harder to walk away from family who might cause problems.

Thanks for your response. Good to hear from you.
Nate

Joshua89
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Joshua89 » Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:08 am

NateG wrote:
Mon Apr 13, 2020 12:44 pm
Joshua,

You have been in this relationship long enough that your friends and probably family know who is in charge. Without knowing the total dynamics. I'm glad you are comfortable in the relationship and showing her deference in public.

I wonder what I would think if I knew you personally on the "outside" not knowing anything else about you? Not knowing you from the forum. If I only knew you as an acquaintance, honestly, I might wonder why you let her be in charge etc. I wouldn't hold it against you or think less of you, but I would probably wonder why? But, if I knew the whole dynamic, the punishments and whole DD lifestyle that you live, I think it would be more acceptable to me, even before I knew much about DD. I'm thinking of me 10 or 15 years ago...I would have been more understanding knowing the whole deal instead of just seeing it from an acquaintance perspective and wondering. But it still wouldn't have been any of my business and I'd have no reason to know anything. I'm just thinking out loud here and thinking how I would react. Hope it makes some sense.
I think a lot plays into it. I am very comfortable with my masculinity, football, fishing, carpentry, etc and that helps a bit with not being worried what friends, neighbors or family think I was some type of sissy. Quite the opposite, I feel stronger as a submissive because I have bettered myself in almost every aspect.

I work part time but my HOH is the breadwinner, and she is very organized and makes lists, paying the Bill's, paper work, taxes etc. I'd honestly rather be the one who does the dishes than all the other stuff. I guess we compliment each others strengths and weaknesses. My HOH will help with chores on occasion but it is ultimately my responsibility to keep up with chores. In certain settings I thrive as a leader, but when it comes to my HOH I just want to please and follow. On the homefront I think some guys just need discipline. Without guidance, if I was on my own I wouldn't really care about chores, and my mouth sometimes needs a filter which my HOH helps correct.

I think universally people can look at any given couple and assume who wears the pants. Sometimes its traditional, sometimes its a wife led marriage, but domestic discipline coming into play is probably not often thought of among the vanilla populus.

I am proud of my relationship, and that includes our dynamic, I would never want to be in the vanilla relationships with no resolving problems, or stagnant growth. For me, when I had short vanilla relationships, I'd always reach a point where there are grudges, or unresolved issues, or just a place where it seems boring or like it has run its course. I think dd pushes both partners to resolve issues in ways that are healthy and acceptable in the eyes of all who practice. I've noticed DD couples generally communicate more often and openly than vanilla couples because we all learn to address issues together, even difficult ones. We work through it and have resolution to any problems we face in our relationships.

I think my main point is i personally would feel trapped in a closet if I was busy hiding my lifestyle and trying to act different in public settings. I honestly admire the hell out of my HOH when she orders for me at restaurants, or just makes an outright decision while we are out that is clearly not up for debate, and I honestly trust everything she does for me because I know MY health, happiness, and saftey are very important to my HOH, and it normally reflects how thoughtful she is.

I know it can be uncomfortable to think about family members maybe "finding out" but wouldnt you be relieved if they did find out and then accepted you still? I wouldnt go into deep discussion unless they asked, but you might be suprised how accepting family can be.
Last edited by Joshua89 on Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:30 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Joshua89
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Joshua89 » Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:18 am

Nate G- sending the article by accident would be awkward. Did they ignore it or ask questions?
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Lauren
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Lauren » Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:56 am

Joshua89 wrote:
Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:08 am
In certain settings I thrive as a leader, but when it comes to my HOH I just want to please and follow.
Joshua,
In what settings do you feel most comfortable leading in?

Joshua89
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Joshua89 » Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:02 pm

Lauren wrote:
Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:56 am
Joshua89 wrote:
Tue Apr 14, 2020 11:08 am
In certain settings I thrive as a leader, but when it comes to my HOH I just want to please and follow.
Joshua,
In what settings do you feel most comfortable leading in?
Work, sports, planning events, I'm even fine with leading our home while my wife is away.
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Joshua89
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Joshua89 » Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:06 pm

I could even say being a follower and learning from my HOH has made me a better leader when I am put in that role.
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Lauren
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Re: Telling family.

Post by Lauren » Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:21 pm

Joshua89 wrote:
Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:02 pm
Work, sports, planning events, I'm even fine with leading our home while my wife is away.
So nothing inside the home or your marriage?

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