Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

SpankedWife
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Nov 24, 2019 7:20 am

Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by SpankedWife » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:52 am

I don’t even know where to begin. :roll:

Things had been going really well for my husband and I, since the last time I posted. We had a terrific Christmas and New Years. Well sort of. On New Year’s Eve we threw a party and had some friends over. I admit that I had a bit too much to drink but I would have done the same thing sober.

To make a long story short, I said something supposedly “mean” and “out of line” to one of my husband’s friends whose wife just left him. To be honest, what I said was actually the truth but he wasn’t interested in facing or hearing the truth. He just wanted to whine about his wife leaving him and place the blame totally on her. I didn’t even realize my husband was in earshot until I looked to the right and saw the disapproving you’re-gonna-get-it look on his face. A little while later I was in the kitchen getting some more snacks for people and my husband came up from behind me and said “someone will be going to bed tonight with a very sore bottom”. I tried to protest but he left the kitchen without another word. I was devastated. It just totally ruined my whole party mood. I stopped drinking and I spent the rest of the night until everyone went home, feeling angry and defiant. I didn’t think I deserved to be punished and I still don’t. In fact I’m very angry and feel like I was treated totally unfairly.

So anyway, back to what happened. When everyone went home, my husband was off somewhere while I was cleaning up. He suddenly appeared in the living room and said “finish cleaning up and then get upstairs”. I didn’t even respond and felt disgusted with the whole matter. I only told the guy the truth. He’s a bad alcoholic and I know for a fact that his wife, who is a friend of mine, left him because in her words “I cannot stay married to a useless drunk anymore”. Maybe it wasn’t my place to say it so boldly but I was annoyed because he had already spilled his scotch twice and was kind of making an ass of himself as usual. Telling off-color jokes and being loud. I had had enough of him and quite frankly was wishing he’d just go home.

Sorry to go on and on. I’m just flustered about the whole matter. I did not go upstairs after cleaning up and instead started watching TV. Huge mistake, I know. I was feeling totally defiant and mad. My husband charged into the room and demanded me upstairs. I said no. If there is one thing my husband hates, it’s me being disobedient and refusing to be spanked. He simply will not put up with it. I don’t do it very often but I was ticked off and super angry. He calmly grabbed me by the ear and pulled me upstairs. He usually removes my clothes with care but he pretty much ripped my dress and panties off when we got upstairs, then flung me over his knee and spanked me with his hand and a wooden hairbrush until I was sobbing, pleading and black and blue. I swore I wouldn’t cry but he always keeps going until I do. No exceptions. His spankings are very severe and they leave me bruised. My husband is super strict. He also grounded me for two weeks and said the next time I refuse a spanking, he will whip me with his belt and ground me for two months. Ugh.

How do other people deal with spankings they don’t think they deserve? I’m still very angry about it but trying to hide my feelings from him because I know I will just end up over his knee again for an attitude adjustment. I’m also mad that he ripped my dress and favorite panties but I know he would never have done it if I hadn’t refused a spanking and struggled so much. I know I brought the whole thing on myself.

How does your HOH handle your refusal to be spanked? There is just no refusing in my house. If he says I’m getting spanked, then I’m getting spanked. Needless to say, it’s worse and longer of course, for my refusal and disobedience. But sometimes I have a problem submitting to a spanking when I don’t think it’s deserved. I know it’s wrong to outrightly refuse but my anger sometimes gets the best of me. I was unable to swallow my pride and submit to his punishment but I was made to anyway, which wasn’t a surprise. Then too, whenever I refuse, I’m mad at myself for getting it worse because I refused. Sigh.

Anyway, every household is different, with a different style and way of doing things. I don’t believe in right or wrong ways. To each their own. What works for some may not work for others but I just wonder if others have trouble submitting to discipline sometimes and how it’s handled at their house. If there are any HOH’s out there also, please feel free to comment about what’s it’s like from your point of view when your spouse refuses to be spanked. How do you handle it?

I’m still secretly pouting about the whole matter. I tried to tell him on New Year’s Day morning that I didn’t think I deserved a spanking but he just looked at me like you’ve got to be kidding me and said it was the end of the discussion. He said that I had better watch my tongue next time, when it comes to making snarky comments about other people’s relationships. I knew better than to try to protest further but it still bugs me and I’m having trouble accepting it.

Sorry this post is so long. I think I just needed to vent. I can’t talk about this stuff to very many people.

Note: keep in mind that we are not officially practicing DD. My husband is just old-fashioned and believes a man has every right to spank his wife, which I agreed to before we married.

Lee C
Posts: 75
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Lee C » Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:49 am

I guess my reply won't be so much of an answer as some questions/observations. I'm not in a DD relationship but would agree to it if it were possible. I would be the "subbier" of the two, FWIW.

1) My perception is that, in essence, if you are the one being disciplined, it is generally decided before-hand that once the HoH has made a decision to discipline, the time for talking is over. Regardless of whether or not you believe it to be just or not. I understand it to be part of the trust and commitment (and love) that's at the center of DD. The time to talk about your feelings would be after the fact. I would imagine it's not a hard and fast rule for all but it seems to make the most sense from my limited point of view. I have already decided that would be part of my agreement if I were ever to be blessed with someone who loves me enough to discipline me.

2) Maybe a formalized agreement would be appropriate? If you're both consenting, then there should be clearly defined parameters to work with. I'm a musician, my whole life revolves around an initial concept and then the continual refining of the details to bring it all "to life", so to speak. There's plenty of time for discussion (assuming schedule's aren't prohibitive to allow for the needed discussions) when discipline is not being administered. I would think a formalized agreement would alleviate many of the issues that arise when discipline is warranted (or not) but is dreaded, which I assume is a big part of the whole thing. The idea that it's real and effective behavior-changing discipline to be avoided if at all possible on the part of the recipient.

3) Again, this all assumption on my part, but isn't one of the main goals of DD to provide more opportunities for open communication? The needs of both husband and wife are carefully/clearly discussed to whatever extent is possible in the beginning, with an increase in communication over time. I would think the amount of time for many couples just to come to grips with the concepts and implementation would require a great deal of communication. It's actually a very big part of what appeals to me about DD, the idea that women love communication and this provides plenty of opportunity for just that. I love the idea that my HoH would be able to guarantee opportunities for communication, whether I wanted it or not and would have the tools at her disposal (yikes!) to help me open up about things I might tend to bury deep inside, things that inhibit our relationship.

Does any of that help? Part of me feels like I'm just talking about "me" but I like to do things for people, so here is an attempt at helping you sort it all out. If I'm off base, I apologize. I guess it's true of all relationships though: Talk, talk some more and then keep talking. If all else fails, maybe talk some more? ;)
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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Phil04
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Location: Texas

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Phil04 » Thu Jan 02, 2020 9:14 am

SpankedWife,
What to start? As an HOH, I probably would have handled it differently, but very much (based on what you said) would have arrived at the same outcome. In our house discipline sessions almost always start with a conversation. What is your side of the story? What were you thinking? Is there some circumstance that I don't know that justified your action? My_Love has actually justified her actions before and gotten out of punishments, but it is VERY rare. If MY_Love disagrees with the punishment, usually during this conversation, she comes to understand why she is being punished. Afterwards she gets some corner time, while I lecture her on what she has done and how I expect better. Then comes the spanking.

As to your specific circumstance. You we're hosting a party, and as hostess, one of your roles is to ensure your guest have a good time. You were rude to one of your guest, making him and everybody else in the circle feel uncomfortable. It certainly breaks the rules of etiquette, it also could have a lasting impact on your husband's friendship with this person. I fully think you deserved the punishment, and I think in a week or two, once the emotions have settled, you will agree.

Phil

Cactusgrl
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Joined: Thu Aug 08, 2019 4:56 pm
Location: Arizona

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Cactusgrl » Thu Jan 02, 2020 10:03 am

I am unsure if I would have been spanked for that, but I know I would have been punished severely for refusing a spanking. However, we always talk through why I am being punished before the spanking begins. My HOH wants to hear my thoughts and opinions (respectfully...if I am sassy, it gets worse for me). We always talk about the punishment after the fact as well, one final discussion to make sure we are on the same page going forward.

I wonder if more dialogue needs to happen going forward so that you feel like you have a voice? Even if the discussion still leads to a spanking, you will have been heard.

Lauren
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Location: Wisconsin

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Lauren » Thu Jan 02, 2020 10:58 am

I think there needs to be a discussion. There should have been one before he spanked you. And another one afterwards. And now there definitely needs to be one because you still feel it was unjustified. You said in your other post that he never spanks while angry. That doesn't seem to be true here. He seemed really angry here. There should have been a break/pause/timeout while both of you calmed down.

One thing that stuck out to me is you said you didn't realize your husband was in earshot when you said it. Meaning if you knew he was in earshot, you would not have said it. So in a sense you know you did wrong. A better solution would have been to talk to your husband and ask him to tell the guest to please leave.

Olivia
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Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Olivia » Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:58 pm

Sorry to hear that you've been going through this!! I've been going through something similar stemming from new year's eve... it's not a good place to be in!
Typically if I don't submit to a spanking it's a lot worse or I am made to stay in the corner until I'm ready to submit and it's still worse
I know you've tried talking to him saying you didn't feel you deserved a spanking.... but maybe if you try talking to him to figure out more of what he expects from you... where his head is at and share respectfully where your mind is at -it might help him explain how he would've liked you to handle such a situation and help you see why he found it appropriate to spank you? This way you don't come at him saying you didn't deserve it but focusing on a productive conversation around understanding what he would have preferred you to do/ why he thinks you were out of line?
So typically, for us, I'm able to see why I'm getting punished before a spanking comes (either I know I broke a rule or I've had time to think and understand that it is a deserved punishment) and I can usually accept that...(I think this new year's had been the only exception and we're resolving that, still now)
I would have been spanked if my husband thought I was rude to anyone, especially a guest in our home...I think you have to understand why he thought what you said was mean and out of line and how y'all are going to move forward with this guy in the future

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 170
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Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Thu Jan 02, 2020 1:38 pm

SpankedWife wrote:
Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:52 am
I don’t even know where to begin. :roll:

Things had been going really well for my husband and I, since the last time I posted. We had a terrific Christmas and New Years. Well sort of. On New Year’s Eve we threw a party and had some friends over. I admit that I had a bit too much to drink but I would have done the same thing sober.

To make a long story short, I said something supposedly “mean” and “out of line” to one of my husband’s friends whose wife just left him. To be honest, what I said was actually the truth but he wasn’t interested in facing or hearing the truth. He just wanted to whine about his wife leaving him and place the blame totally on her. I didn’t even realize my husband was in earshot until I looked to the right and saw the disapproving you’re-gonna-get-it look on his face. A little while later I was in the kitchen getting some more snacks for people and my husband came up from behind me and said “someone will be going to bed tonight with a very sore bottom”. I tried to protest but he left the kitchen without another word. I was devastated. It just totally ruined my whole party mood. I stopped drinking and I spent the rest of the night until everyone went home, feeling angry and defiant. I didn’t think I deserved to be punished and I still don’t. In fact I’m very angry and feel like I was treated totally unfairly.

So anyway, back to what happened. When everyone went home, my husband was off somewhere while I was cleaning up. He suddenly appeared in the living room and said “finish cleaning up and then get upstairs”. I didn’t even respond and felt disgusted with the whole matter. I only told the guy the truth. He’s a bad alcoholic and I know for a fact that his wife, who is a friend of mine, left him because in her words “I cannot stay married to a useless drunk anymore”. Maybe it wasn’t my place to say it so boldly but I was annoyed because he had already spilled his scotch twice and was kind of making an ass of himself as usual. Telling off-color jokes and being loud. I had had enough of him and quite frankly was wishing he’d just go home.

Sorry to go on and on. I’m just flustered about the whole matter. I did not go upstairs after cleaning up and instead started watching TV. Huge mistake, I know. I was feeling totally defiant and mad. My husband charged into the room and demanded me upstairs. I said no. If there is one thing my husband hates, it’s me being disobedient and refusing to be spanked. He simply will not put up with it. I don’t do it very often but I was ticked off and super angry. He calmly grabbed me by the ear and pulled me upstairs. He usually removes my clothes with care but he pretty much ripped my dress and panties off when we got upstairs, then flung me over his knee and spanked me with his hand and a wooden hairbrush until I was sobbing, pleading and black and blue. I swore I wouldn’t cry but he always keeps going until I do. No exceptions. His spankings are very severe and they leave me bruised. My husband is super strict. He also grounded me for two weeks and said the next time I refuse a spanking, he will whip me with his belt and ground me for two months. Ugh.

How do other people deal with spankings they don’t think they deserve? I’m still very angry about it but trying to hide my feelings from him because I know I will just end up over his knee again for an attitude adjustment. I’m also mad that he ripped my dress and favorite panties but I know he would never have done it if I hadn’t refused a spanking and struggled so much. I know I brought the whole thing on myself.

How does your HOH handle your refusal to be spanked? There is just no refusing in my house. If he says I’m getting spanked, then I’m getting spanked. Needless to say, it’s worse and longer of course, for my refusal and disobedience. But sometimes I have a problem submitting to a spanking when I don’t think it’s deserved. I know it’s wrong to outrightly refuse but my anger sometimes gets the best of me. I was unable to swallow my pride and submit to his punishment but I was made to anyway, which wasn’t a surprise. Then too, whenever I refuse, I’m mad at myself for getting it worse because I refused. Sigh.

Anyway, every household is different, with a different style and way of doing things. I don’t believe in right or wrong ways. To each their own. What works for some may not work for others but I just wonder if others have trouble submitting to discipline sometimes and how it’s handled at their house. If there are any HOH’s out there also, please feel free to comment about what’s it’s like from your point of view when your spouse refuses to be spanked. How do you handle it?

I’m still secretly pouting about the whole matter. I tried to tell him on New Year’s Day morning that I didn’t think I deserved a spanking but he just looked at me like you’ve got to be kidding me and said it was the end of the discussion. He said that I had better watch my tongue next time, when it comes to making snarky comments about other people’s relationships. I knew better than to try to protest further but it still bugs me and I’m having trouble accepting it.

Sorry this post is so long. I think I just needed to vent. I can’t talk about this stuff to very many people.

Note: keep in mind that we are not officially practicing DD. My husband is just old-fashioned and believes a man has every right to spank his wife, which I agreed to before we married.
I refuse all the time bc I never feel he can spank me
And if he does I strongly speak my mind and handle things in my own way
You ask how we deal with spankings we don’t deserve
Feel free to pm me about that
However your situation is very diff from mine that I never ever would have been spanked for that

What would he do if you stormed out of the house and went for a drive? That’d show him at least you’re determined you didn’t do anything wrong

I understand your anger and refusing
Especially when you feel justified in your behaviour and his overreacting

StrapHater
Posts: 55
Joined: Thu Oct 03, 2019 12:14 am

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by StrapHater » Thu Jan 02, 2020 4:30 pm

SpankedWife
As a switch, I have to add a few words here. I agree with what Lauren posted in the comments above. In our relationship, trust and communication are paramount to a working DD relationship. We learned many years ago that a spanking without these critical elements is just an unemotional, even disconnecting beating.
Married for 12 years || DD for 15 years
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (I Corinthians 7:4)

Jay
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:30 pm

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by Jay » Fri Jan 03, 2020 10:44 am

Your spanking sounds non-consensual, and thus illegal (and immoral). I know that you have given blanket consent, but when you have refused to cooperate he ought to respect that. You two can talk it over and later on you may give in, but you should not be physically forced to take corporal punishment. Maybe you and your husband need to discuss and you agree to each corporal punishment beforehand. I am sure that you will agree most of the time, but this will avoid what can only be called abuse. I know you are well taken care of and you love him, but his behavior was just not acceptable.

C anderson
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:56 pm

Re: Refusal To submit To A Spanking - Anyone?

Post by C anderson » Sat Jan 04, 2020 9:01 pm

I agree with Jay. Truly there is no such thing as blanket consent. In all actuality, by submitting to the punishment you are consenting. If you do not submit to the punishment, there is no consent. Therefor it is assault. Voluntary submission is consent but forced submission is abuse.
A strong woman loving and respecting the amazing man that she loves Charlie.Ander1

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