I don't know what to do

Joshua89
Posts: 635
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:13 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Joshua89 » Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:44 am

Maybe, just maybe... try not to be bad on purpose? Lol
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands love your wife just as Christ loved the church, he gave up his life for her.

Goldilocks
Posts: 449
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:34 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Goldilocks » Sun Jun 09, 2019 7:56 am

girlzruleboyzdrool4u wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 4:49 pm
AddyJane wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 9:41 am
I’ve been trying to figure you out from your posts.

Maybe I’ve misjudged you or perhaps you’re not the best at representing your situation. From this last post I think I might understand you in this instance:

You don’t just struggle with a prankster attitude... your methods have a reason behind them. They still wouldn’t fly in my house, but I can understand the need to “get even”. Hate the phone thing!

My piece of advice to you is this... DD is much easier to live than whatever method you and your hubby are currently operating in.

Clear expectations and outlined rules allow for more control on your end as you can avoid consequences. Heck you can even be apart of constructing the rules.

Moreover your husband will quickly find that DD is not a method to bully your spouse, there are expectations for him as well. There is a huge emphasis on leading well, practicing control and being fair ( all things your current situation seems to be lacking) . He just seems to be blowing off steam on your butt.

I guess what I’m saying is you’re not the one in need of advice, he is. A lot of this would clear up with the structure of DD, but he has to implement that and you have to be on board; it needs to be consensual.

I get that this is not what you want, that you refuse to submit and feel this isn’t right for you. But I think you need to discuss with him and find a middle ground.

Truthfully this might be hard for you to understand now, but what you’re describing sounds miserable to me; I couldn’t do it. It’s unfair, lacks understanding of your well-being and has to be extremely traumatizing for you. ( I get that you’ve pranked away 13 years of marriage and by our DD standards deserve to be spanked, but that is not what YOU agreed to.)

I would take DD any day over that.

I don’t mean to advocate for my lifestyle, I just think you feel that this boarder-line DD random spanking is a milder form of what you find on here... it’s not. It’s unfair to you and it’s not going to benefit your marriage the way you’re doing it.

I think you both need to sit down and discuss if you’re willing to make changes for each other. He needs to be well versed in DD if you are going to go that route... You need to have some say.

Might I ask if your husband has joined the forum?

How did you find our forum not being familiar with DD?
Hi,
Yes, you have hit the nail on the head! And he did join and you guys are right, it is deucecat. He had only some questions but he said he doesn't know if this lifestyle is for him.. he sees himself as different than it however some similarities too. He and I have been talking, a lot, and are working things out and he agrees entirely that he has to change the way he's doing things and he has been blowing steam and he is finding a calm and so now so am I. I'm not sure where things are going to go from here on out but I haven't been spanked since my last post and he's been changing the way he's been doing things. He used to be prankster too so for him this behavior is quite new to me and him... Thank you for recognizing, it's not just me and my behavior. I am not denying my behavior is immature but I don't just go and cause trouble for no reason. He and I are figuring this out but thanks to your advice and some on here. It takes 2 to change, not just one person. Thanks for your kind message.
It is so good to hear you two are really trying to work together. You may not fully leave the DD lifestyle, but maybe there is a chance for both of you to see a positive side to things.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 108
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Mon Jun 10, 2019 1:42 pm

Goldilocks wrote:
Sun Jun 09, 2019 7:56 am
girlzruleboyzdrool4u wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 4:49 pm
AddyJane wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 9:41 am
I’ve been trying to figure you out from your posts.

Maybe I’ve misjudged you or perhaps you’re not the best at representing your situation. From this last post I think I might understand you in this instance:

You don’t just struggle with a prankster attitude... your methods have a reason behind them. They still wouldn’t fly in my house, but I can understand the need to “get even”. Hate the phone thing!

My piece of advice to you is this... DD is much easier to live than whatever method you and your hubby are currently operating in.

Clear expectations and outlined rules allow for more control on your end as you can avoid consequences. Heck you can even be apart of constructing the rules.

Moreover your husband will quickly find that DD is not a method to bully your spouse, there are expectations for him as well. There is a huge emphasis on leading well, practicing control and being fair ( all things your current situation seems to be lacking) . He just seems to be blowing off steam on your butt.

I guess what I’m saying is you’re not the one in need of advice, he is. A lot of this would clear up with the structure of DD, but he has to implement that and you have to be on board; it needs to be consensual.

I get that this is not what you want, that you refuse to submit and feel this isn’t right for you. But I think you need to discuss with him and find a middle ground.

Truthfully this might be hard for you to understand now, but what you’re describing sounds miserable to me; I couldn’t do it. It’s unfair, lacks understanding of your well-being and has to be extremely traumatizing for you. ( I get that you’ve pranked away 13 years of marriage and by our DD standards deserve to be spanked, but that is not what YOU agreed to.)

I would take DD any day over that.

I don’t mean to advocate for my lifestyle, I just think you feel that this boarder-line DD random spanking is a milder form of what you find on here... it’s not. It’s unfair to you and it’s not going to benefit your marriage the way you’re doing it.

I think you both need to sit down and discuss if you’re willing to make changes for each other. He needs to be well versed in DD if you are going to go that route... You need to have some say.

Might I ask if your husband has joined the forum?

How did you find our forum not being familiar with DD?
Hi,
Yes, you have hit the nail on the head! And he did join and you guys are right, it is deucecat. He had only some questions but he said he doesn't know if this lifestyle is for him.. he sees himself as different than it however some similarities too. He and I have been talking, a lot, and are working things out and he agrees entirely that he has to change the way he's doing things and he has been blowing steam and he is finding a calm and so now so am I. I'm not sure where things are going to go from here on out but I haven't been spanked since my last post and he's been changing the way he's been doing things. He used to be prankster too so for him this behavior is quite new to me and him... Thank you for recognizing, it's not just me and my behavior. I am not denying my behavior is immature but I don't just go and cause trouble for no reason. He and I are figuring this out but thanks to your advice and some on here. It takes 2 to change, not just one person. Thanks for your kind message.
It is so good to hear you two are really trying to work together. You may not fully leave the DD lifestyle, but maybe there is a chance for both of you to see a positive side to things.
Yes, we are... I guess this is our progress. We've talked. We have an understanding of the consequences. ...If I hide his stuff, prank or pester him, for NO reason, or purposely try to annoy him when I'm in a bad mood just because I feel like it, he will give me a spanking..... I am not agreeing this is fair that he is the one to decide this nor do I like having someone all of a sudden tell me that I have a consequence for my behavior...but that is the way it is.... I made it quite awhile now and things have been great.... my problem is still myself I guess and a bit of how he thinks he can just pick me up and spank me. He is being calm now and putting his phone away and so I've left him alone.... however, I do have some problems accepting that he is the one to make this rule. I'm having trouble also accepting that he just decided that, that is final. SO yes, I have been leaving him alone but I also am having trouble, especially when I get annoyed or mad at him about something my first instinct is to still go hide all his shit in the heat of the moment and it's a struggle for power. So I know how to get out of the spankings. Just stop my behavior. And I'm doing that... for how long? I guess until I fester that he's not the one to tell me how I can behave. So that's that I guess. Some how I'm in a spanking lifestyle... we love each other so obviously not separating but just because he decided to make some cornball rule that I don't agree with, doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for him.

User avatar
DesertRose
Posts: 351
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 1:34 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by DesertRose » Tue Jun 18, 2019 3:56 pm

girlzruleboyzdrool4u wrote:
Mon Jun 10, 2019 1:42 pm
Yes, we are... I guess this is our progress. We've talked. We have an understanding of the consequences. ...If I hide his stuff, prank or pester him, for NO reason, or purposely try to annoy him when I'm in a bad mood just because I feel like it, he will give me a spanking..... I am not agreeing this is fair that he is the one to decide this nor do I like having someone all of a sudden tell me that I have a consequence for my behavior...but that is the way it is.... I made it quite awhile now and things have been great.... my problem is still myself I guess and a bit of how he thinks he can just pick me up and spank me. He is being calm now and putting his phone away and so I've left him alone.... however, I do have some problems accepting that he is the one to make this rule. I'm having trouble also accepting that he just decided that, that is final. SO yes, I have been leaving him alone but I also am having trouble, especially when I get annoyed or mad at him about something my first instinct is to still go hide all his shit in the heat of the moment and it's a struggle for power. So I know how to get out of the spankings. Just stop my behavior. And I'm doing that... for how long? I guess until I fester that he's not the one to tell me how I can behave. So that's that I guess. Some how I'm in a spanking lifestyle... we love each other so obviously not separating but just because he decided to make some cornball rule that I don't agree with, doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for him.
I think the fact that you talked about it is a great step. I'd suggest that you express to him how annoyed or agree you are when you feel that way instead of hiding his stuff. I understand that each of us has her/his way of dealing with anger, but we can always improve and change for the better. I guess it's great that you submit to his rule even though you don't accept it. Love can conquer anything.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

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