I don't know what to do

Lauren
Posts: 744
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Lauren » Wed May 29, 2019 8:03 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 4:04 pm
If you hate spankings so much .. just stop pushing his buttons.
EXACTLY!!!

Stop doing the one thing that is wrong in your marriage.

AddyJane
Posts: 244
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by AddyJane » Thu May 30, 2019 9:41 am

I’ve been trying to figure you out from your posts.

Maybe I’ve misjudged you or perhaps you’re not the best at representing your situation. From this last post I think I might understand you in this instance:

You don’t just struggle with a prankster attitude... your methods have a reason behind them. They still wouldn’t fly in my house, but I can understand the need to “get even”. Hate the phone thing!

My piece of advice to you is this... DD is much easier to live than whatever method you and your hubby are currently operating in.

Clear expectations and outlined rules allow for more control on your end as you can avoid consequences. Heck you can even be apart of constructing the rules.

Moreover your husband will quickly find that DD is not a method to bully your spouse, there are expectations for him as well. There is a huge emphasis on leading well, practicing control and being fair ( all things your current situation seems to be lacking) . He just seems to be blowing off steam on your butt.

I guess what I’m saying is you’re not the one in need of advice, he is. A lot of this would clear up with the structure of DD, but he has to implement that and you have to be on board; it needs to be consensual.

I get that this is not what you want, that you refuse to submit and feel this isn’t right for you. But I think you need to discuss with him and find a middle ground.

Truthfully this might be hard for you to understand now, but what you’re describing sounds miserable to me; I couldn’t do it. It’s unfair, lacks understanding of your well-being and has to be extremely traumatizing for you. ( I get that you’ve pranked away 13 years of marriage and by our DD standards deserve to be spanked, but that is not what YOU agreed to.)

I would take DD any day over that.

I don’t mean to advocate for my lifestyle, I just think you feel that this boarder-line DD random spanking is a milder form of what you find on here... it’s not. It’s unfair to you and it’s not going to benefit your marriage the way you’re doing it.

I think you both need to sit down and discuss if you’re willing to make changes for each other. He needs to be well versed in DD if you are going to go that route... You need to have some say.

Might I ask if your husband has joined the forum?

How did you find our forum not being familiar with DD?

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Miras
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Miras » Thu May 30, 2019 9:46 am

AddyJane wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 9:41 am

Might I ask if your husband has joined the forum?

How did you find our forum not being familiar with DD?
AddyJane,
I know you weren´t asking me, but my understanding is that her husband was simply looking what to do with erratic woman and is nowhere on the forum... His wife just founded this place based on research of adult spankings of her own.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

Lauren
Posts: 744
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Lauren » Thu May 30, 2019 12:29 pm

I think Deucecat is her husband.

User avatar
Miras
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 6:26 am
Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Miras » Thu May 30, 2019 12:35 pm

Lauren wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 12:29 pm
I think Deucecat is her husband.
Sorry for my mistake then.
Occasionally friendly Spencerist guy
Faktor IV of MdI - Maghan
Unofficial member of The Wicked Tribe
Putting DD back into BuDDhism

AddyJane
Posts: 244
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by AddyJane » Thu May 30, 2019 1:18 pm

Yep, Watson I was thinking the same thing! 😂
Just wanted to see.
Lauren wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 12:29 pm
I think Deucecat is her husband.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 108
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Thu May 30, 2019 4:49 pm

AddyJane wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 9:41 am
I’ve been trying to figure you out from your posts.

Maybe I’ve misjudged you or perhaps you’re not the best at representing your situation. From this last post I think I might understand you in this instance:

You don’t just struggle with a prankster attitude... your methods have a reason behind them. They still wouldn’t fly in my house, but I can understand the need to “get even”. Hate the phone thing!

My piece of advice to you is this... DD is much easier to live than whatever method you and your hubby are currently operating in.

Clear expectations and outlined rules allow for more control on your end as you can avoid consequences. Heck you can even be apart of constructing the rules.

Moreover your husband will quickly find that DD is not a method to bully your spouse, there are expectations for him as well. There is a huge emphasis on leading well, practicing control and being fair ( all things your current situation seems to be lacking) . He just seems to be blowing off steam on your butt.

I guess what I’m saying is you’re not the one in need of advice, he is. A lot of this would clear up with the structure of DD, but he has to implement that and you have to be on board; it needs to be consensual.

I get that this is not what you want, that you refuse to submit and feel this isn’t right for you. But I think you need to discuss with him and find a middle ground.

Truthfully this might be hard for you to understand now, but what you’re describing sounds miserable to me; I couldn’t do it. It’s unfair, lacks understanding of your well-being and has to be extremely traumatizing for you. ( I get that you’ve pranked away 13 years of marriage and by our DD standards deserve to be spanked, but that is not what YOU agreed to.)

I would take DD any day over that.

I don’t mean to advocate for my lifestyle, I just think you feel that this boarder-line DD random spanking is a milder form of what you find on here... it’s not. It’s unfair to you and it’s not going to benefit your marriage the way you’re doing it.

I think you both need to sit down and discuss if you’re willing to make changes for each other. He needs to be well versed in DD if you are going to go that route... You need to have some say.

Might I ask if your husband has joined the forum?

How did you find our forum not being familiar with DD?
Hi,
Yes, you have hit the nail on the head! And he did join and you guys are right, it is deucecat. He had only some questions but he said he doesn't know if this lifestyle is for him.. he sees himself as different than it however some similarities too. He and I have been talking, a lot, and are working things out and he agrees entirely that he has to change the way he's doing things and he has been blowing steam and he is finding a calm and so now so am I. I'm not sure where things are going to go from here on out but I haven't been spanked since my last post and he's been changing the way he's been doing things. He used to be prankster too so for him this behavior is quite new to me and him... Thank you for recognizing, it's not just me and my behavior. I am not denying my behavior is immature but I don't just go and cause trouble for no reason. He and I are figuring this out but thanks to your advice and some on here. It takes 2 to change, not just one person. Thanks for your kind message.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 108
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Thu May 30, 2019 5:14 pm

Also meaning that I refuse to submit to something I didn't sign up for and if I did "submit", it would teach him that spankings are working on his terms. hope that makes sense.

girlzruleboyzdrool4u
Posts: 108
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2019 4:58 pm

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by girlzruleboyzdrool4u » Fri May 31, 2019 11:36 am

NateG wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 11:11 pm
Glad you have a clean slate. I agree in general that the idea of DD and spanking should be something you both agree on. However, there are times when a husband will take charge and spank a wife who is misbehaving routinely. A lot of women would be happy to have a husband lead like that. But I understand that you are not thrilled with it. I hope things will go better for you and you and your husband can work out something that is good for both of you.


Nate
thank you

Lauren
Posts: 744
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: I don't know what to do

Post by Lauren » Fri May 31, 2019 3:08 pm

girlzruleboyzdrool4u wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 5:14 pm
Also meaning that I refuse to submit to something I didn't sign up for and if I did "submit", it would teach him that spankings are working on his terms. hope that makes sense.
Reading this and some of your other posts, it's: I am going to win or he is going to win.

It shouldn't be like that. You two are married. You're supose to be a team. United. This is not a game. There is no single winner or loser. If you both aren't winning, you're both losing. In your marriage. May I ask how old you two are? I'm hoping the way both of you act, that you're young and getting older and wiser will help both of you.

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