Disrespectful to my HOH

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:11 am

We are just starting back to DD after a long break. I had an issue this morning I wanted to discuss but I ended up ringing him at work and it escalated in an argument. I’ve now acknowledged I dealt with the situation incorrectly. Any advice on handling this situation or how you would approach in the future?

Olivia
Posts: 789
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Olivia » Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:43 am

Awh, sorry to hear that happened! What escalated the situation? / what was the issue that led to argument?

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:52 am

I was upset about the night before he wanted us to stay awake but I was tired and felt like he hadn’t taken that into consideration. He was fair and agreed but we agree the way I brought th issue up wasn’t helpful as it ended up with an argument whilst he was at work

roseami
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2020 6:37 pm

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by roseami » Thu Oct 29, 2020 10:02 am

Hi Nerja,
I can relate to wanting to solve/reslove an issue so thins go better in the future ASAP and having this clash with outside obligations, like work.
If I am so accutely upset about something that I desire to discuss it immediately (often I should be working but can't focus because the issue takes such a hold of my mind), but my HOH isn't available due to being at work, I write everything down that I want him to know. Usually after writing things down (and often crying a bit), I feel more able to wait for him to be available than I expect I will when I started.
Since not being disturbed at work is important to my HOH and we also both know that being tired in the evening can also lead to conflict, we try to save these topics for the weekend whenever possible (i.e. whenever I would not be emotionally distraught for days if I had to wait). We have a weekly appointment with each other on Sundays where we take an hour or sometimes more to talk about what is working and what isn't working in our interactions with each other. This is considered the appropriate time to bring issues like this up. It is often hard for me to wait, but when I do manage we are usually both in a better state of mind to discuss things and are less likely to have a conflict over it, which is pretty great.
If I feel something can't wait till the weekend, I am allowed to meniton it at dinner. If he is not in place mentally/emotionally to handle the conversation then, he can say something like, "I see that this is really important to you and I promise that I will take time to address it with you, but right now I am not able to." Then we figure out when the next time is that he would be able to address it.
I attribute a lot of the harmony in our relationship to this system we have and think there will be even more, the better I get at respecting this agreement.
Maybe some parts of this would work for you and your HOH. Best wishes working things out!

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Thu Oct 29, 2020 10:20 am

Thank you for the reply. It’s seems it’s my issue about learning to wait for the right time. Something to work on

Olivia
Posts: 789
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Olivia » Thu Oct 29, 2020 12:35 pm

I have a difficult time waiting too! I want things resolved as soon as possible! Usually we're able to take a couple minutes and come back to it. (Sometimes, like last night :oops:, we come back to it a little too soon and I snipped and a swore slipped out while my voice was raised- he had me take a timeout until I was able to apologize and compose myself and we finished the conversation.).. did he know you were upset last night/ before work? Or was he kind of blindsided at work?

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Thu Oct 29, 2020 1:18 pm

It’s so hard being patient is not my thing at all. We are coming back to DD after a long break and we haven’t really sat and sorted out the details. He didn’t know I was upset last night. I think I caught him on the hop this morning as he thought I was ok. It’s a difficult balance. He said we can talk later but it’s hard with the children on half term. I need to learn how to hold back more but it’s definitely not a strong point of mine. I’m just not sure how to do that it just escalates so quickly.

Olivia
Posts: 789
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Olivia » Thu Oct 29, 2020 11:50 pm

That's what it kind of sounded like.... do you think maybe it built in your head and you escalated -while over time in his head, it was less and less of an issue?
I don't think it's a matter of waiting as a matter of presentation/ being mindful ...I usually just say, this is bothering me, I don't want to fight or be disrespectful but it's something I want to talk about and that way he knows it's an issue for me (sometimes I'll remind him that if it sits in my head it's going to grow out of proportion) but it's really important to me we don't part upset (so sleep or travels) so he's really good about fitting in the conversations within reasonable time

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Fri Oct 30, 2020 3:02 am

I think it’s my issue and he has told me I need to work on. You are all so helpful with the replies thank you

Nerja
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2020 7:04 am

Re: Disrespectful to my HOH

Post by Nerja » Fri Oct 30, 2020 3:14 am

We have decided to start a new contract and he wants us to sit down tonight to go through expectations. He had told me he wishes to start with a reset spanking as leading up to this point I have had a bad attitude (which I have) and he feels this will be a good place to start and set the tone of my behaviour. I am hesitant but he wants me to agree and feels it’s the right thing to do. Should I just submit?

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