How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
geeman
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Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:32 pm

How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by geeman » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:47 pm

Everyone has bad days. Sometimes, our HOH has a bad day (or days) and there can be a tendency to take out that frustration on the sub/TIH or family in general. Every situation is different. Some contracts/agreements are iron-clad and the HOH is not to be questioned. Others are more open to interpretation and negotiation. How do you deal with an HOH that is off the rails and maybe using discipline as a means of self therapy instead of doing what is in the best interests of the relationship?

CassLynn
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by CassLynn » Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:30 pm

I think communicating your opinion would be important.

Kerry
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by Kerry » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:24 am

That’s a good question as I’m sure pressure builds up. Acknowledge her frustration. Suggest a brisk walk and snowball fight. I think exercise and time to vent is a better outlet for her and your relationship. Although I read an article and shared with Brian that it’s ok if the spanking process also relieves his stress as long as that isn’t the only purpose.
Key

geeman
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by geeman » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:35 am

FYI - this is not a problem I am having. I just imagine this must happen with some couples and I was curious how some handle it.

SurrealSD
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by SurrealSD » Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:52 am

If it happened more than about twice I'd leave the relationship. Another word for going off the rails and using over the top discipline without my consent is abuse. I didn't sign up for that.
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

Mel41
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by Mel41 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:04 am

SurrealSD wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:52 am
If it happened more than about twice I'd leave the relationship. Another word for going off the rails and using over the top discipline without my consent is abuse. I didn't sign up for that.
Yes! The HoH is supposed to be calm when administering discipline. Of the punishment is "over the top" because they can't get their shit together and are lacking in self control then that's abuse.
🎵 Hit me baby one more time 🎵

In love, and together in life, with Steve41

TheGoodWifeLife
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by TheGoodWifeLife » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:19 am

SurrealSD wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 9:52 am
If it happened more than about twice I'd leave the relationship. Another word for going off the rails and using over the top discipline without my consent is abuse. I didn't sign up for that.
Absolutely agree! Dh has never once put his hands on me in anger, but he has lost his temper and really yelled at me a couple of times. Just seeing him “out of control” with his words is enough to scare the crap out of me. I can’t explain why, but when I’m truly afraid and the sort of fight or flight response kicks in, I never flee. I either freeze, or fight! It’s not very bright of me, but the couple of times that dh was angry enough that I was afraid of what he would say or do, I pushed harder rather than walking away. Obviously, HoH are all human with human emotions. Getting angry or stressed is part of every human experience. I’ve talked a lot with dh about how it makes me feel when I see him lose his temper and that my reaction honestly isn’t about provoking him, it’s a fear response. He so rarely gets truly angry, it’s scary to see him get that way! He punched the wall once very early in our relationship, and has said some not nice things to me, but if he ever got physical with me out of anger, I know I’d lose the trust I have for him. Discipline is done out of love, not anger. I would never want dh to come home stressed out or pissed off about something and decide that punishing me would make him feel better. That’s a dangerous thing to do. Of course, I do know that it’s likely there are emotions that escalate more quickly due to outside issues at times. If HoH has a terrible day at work and comes home to a bratty partner, it’s likely HoH patience will run out more quickly than it normally does. If I ever got punished much harsher than I think I should have, I’d definitely have a conversation with dh about it later on. In our case, thankfully, when he’s especially emotional, he never disciplines, even if I deserve it in that moment. That only happens later, when he’s calm and controlled again. It’s the responsibility of HoH to be fair and to only carry out punishment when their emotions are controlled.
Sassy Southern Wife & Mama & follower of Jesus

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MrsSweetie
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by MrsSweetie » Sat Dec 08, 2018 6:40 pm

i wuld never forgave myself if i punish sweetie in anger & went ott & cause serius physical injury or mental trauma him & i hope i never do
Head of Sweetie household

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DesertRose
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by DesertRose » Mon Dec 31, 2018 1:44 pm

There is a fine line between Domestic Discipline and Domestic Violence, and that fine line is punishing out of anger. Actually there's a question that came into my mind previously but I did not post it for some reason ..

We all know that DD is not fully accepted in society and many would consider it abusive. Also, many would even go as far as judging couples who practice it, whether it's HoH or TiH .. once I read a post of someone who claims that women who accept punishment spanking are "not mentally well". Of course it's a stupid statement :roll: but anyways ..

I personally know women who are physically abused in their marriage. I know someone who is beaten by her husband in a scary way.. sometimes he would use the cane on her back and all over her body to the point that she cannot move for sometime. He would call her names and beat her up in front of her 2 year old son and once he used the cane on her while she was breastfeeding her daughter.

The problem is this woman says that she doesn't want to get divorced because she "loves her husband" and even gets pleasure out of his abuse. Once she told my cousin that she misses his beating while he was away, and she would rather die at his feet than leaving him :|

Now.. I'm not sure how I feel about that, really, I know that DD is VERY DIFFERENT than what this woman is experiencing, BUT is it possible that some people would enjoy abuse? Am I judging her the way people would judge me for wanting a punishment spanking?
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

SurrealSD
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Re: How do you deal with 'over the top' discipline?

Post by SurrealSD » Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:46 pm

I have a couple of thoughts about what you wrote, DesertRose.

1) You can think whatever you want to think in your own head. I don't care what people think of my lifestyle as long as they keep it to themselves. So as long as we're just talking about what goes on in your mind. . . . you can think or judge or do whatever you want.

2) If you genuinely believe someone, particularly a child, is in physical danger, I think you have a responsibility to act. So you should decide if you genuinely believe anyone's life or safety is in danger.

3) If this man is hitting his wife while she's nursing the baby, I think that's going too far and endangering the safety of the child.

4) In BDSM-land, we have a saying: "Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is okay." It means that I may not agree with what you're doing, but if it's consensual, I have a duty to keep my thoughts about it to myself. I know people who are genuinely into things that turn my stomach. If they're into it though; that's their business. I think the litmus test is if the person in question *wants* to get out but can't. If they have no desire to change their relationship, you can think what you want but should keep it to yourself. (Again, unless you believe a child is in danger).
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

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