My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
Tabitha
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:57 pm

My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Tabitha » Tue Sep 04, 2018 8:40 am

So, after three years of marriage, it finally happened last week (Monday 27th August to be precise) - my husband used the cane on me for the first time. To say I found it traumatic is an understatement. Only today do I feel able to write something about it.

I knew I was out of line during a dinner party on the previous Friday night. I made a slightly indiscreet comment about one his colleagues (who wasn't present) in the company of a couple who know the person in question. On a scale of 1-10 this would usually be considered a 6 or 7 and would earn me a belting or, more recently, a tawsing. He "parked" the issue on Saturday, when he was out all day at a sports event. Then, on Sunday night, he announced he was going to cane me 24 hours later.

I was stunned. He knows I dread the cane, even though I accept his right to use it. But I couldn't understand why he saw the need for it on this occasion. He heard me out but said his decision was final - six of the best with the cane at 8.00 p.m. on Monday.

I didn't sleep much on Sunday night and felt sick with worry all day Monday. I had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Long story short: at exactly 8.00 p.m. he summoned me into his study. He usually gives me a warm-up spanking prior to the punishment itself, but not this time. He had me lean forward over the back of a chair, at which point he lowered my panties. My apprehension was rising.

It's hard to to describe the pain I experienced. I knew the cane would be "whippier" than anything I'd felt before, but the burning sensation was incredible, especially as I was getting a "cold" caning. He waited about 30 seconds between strokes, and this allowed me to sense that weals were rising as stripes appeared on my bottom.

After the fifth stroke, he said "Hold on tight". Before I could react he delivered the final stroke diagonally across the existing five, causing me to squeal in agony. I've learned since that this pattern of stripes is called "The Five-Bar Gate" because it looks like a farmyard gate (five parallel bars crossed by one diagonal). Seemingly the sixth stroke in this type of caning is called "Closing the Gate".

I still have trouble sitting down, but the physical pain is less than my psychological trauma. I feel betrayed by my husband, who has been away on business since last Tuesday and will be back home this weekend. We need to talk - really talk - because I'm very uncomfortable (not just in the physical sense) about what took place.

Thanks for staying with me through this post.

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DesertRose
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Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by DesertRose » Tue Sep 04, 2018 5:11 pm

Wow! .. I'm sorry for your bad experience. I have never been caned, but I see a good number of couples use it. This is the first time I read a real complaint about it. Maybe it is not the cane itself, but the power your husband used to cane you. I believe an agreement should take place before using an instrument for punishment. He has the right to choose the type of punishment you need. But you have the right to disagree with something you are not comfortable with.
🌸 I want a husband who will love me enough to punish me.
DesertRose

CassLynn
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Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:05 pm

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by CassLynn » Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:07 pm

I feel really bad that you were hurt emotionally by the amount of force used. I think it works out best if the sub feels a lot of guilt when receiving a very painful punishment because the pain then makes sense and can be accepted. Your husband must have felt that the incident was more serious than you did. Maybe he needed to give a better lecture so you at least understood why it was a big deal to him even if you didn’t agree. Or possibly he didn’t understand how intense your experience would be. I’m just guessing but I think this may be a time where DD showed its imperfections. When differing perceptions between partners created a bad situation. I think for most DD couples that does happen but it’s rare and it can be worked through. I think it’s a good plan to have a serious talk and hopefully you can work together to fix whatever breakdown in the process there might have been. DD won’t work very well for you without resolving this. I hope you’re able to figure out what went wrong and keep enjoying the benefits of DD. Again I’m sorry you were/are so traumatized.

One more note in case it helps: before our cane broke my husband used it now and then. Cane strokes are serious and I always received them with trepidation. I had the lines on my skin and all. They hurt a lot but I don’t remember ever being emotionally traumatized by a caning. Who knows why we react the way we do. I don’t know why the cane doesn’t freak me out but it did you. Your husband may not have known you would feel scary emotions since that was your first cane experience. Now that he does know maybe you can agree to reserving the cane for the most serious times—like a once a year kind of thing.

Please disregard any of this advice that doesn’t apply. These are just best guesses based on the limited info I have.

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NateG
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Location: Virginia

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by NateG » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:03 am

Tabitha,

I am sorry this was a bad experience for you. It bothers me more that you feel betrayed by your husband. Can you explain more on that? On why you feel betrayed? Do you think he swung harder than necessary or expected? Do you feel the punishment unwarranted? You may be justified etc, but I would like to know why you feel that way.

The cane can definitely be painful. I have never used it, partially for that reason, but I still might get one for serious offenses. Which honestly, wouldn't happen very often.

With something like the cane, I think you should try a little experimental tryout with them...have you take a practice swat....when you get the instrument, just so you know what it feels like and he can also use that as an indicator on how painful something is and how much force to use when he does decide to use it.

Evidently your indiscretion was much more serious to him than you thought. He might have been embarrassed by what you said and that people heard or he might have feared it getting back to the colleague and then having to deal with it later.

I do think you should have been spanked for it. You evidently said something embarrassing, rude or not nice at a social event about someone who wasn't there. We have all done it, but shouldn't. I have no trouble with the fact that you were punished for this, but the cane does seem pretty excessive. Unless this has been a continued problem??

Again, I'm sorry this had such a bad effect on you. I hope you can work things out with your husband.

Nate

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Phil04
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Location: Texas

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Phil04 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 9:46 am

Tabitha,
I agree with Nate that you deserved to be punished. However, I don't think your betrayal comes from being punished, but from the severity of the punishment. Based on the information you gave, this sounds like a failure on your HoH's part. A follower should always understand why they are being punished, and that includes understanding the severity. As soon as he gets back, you need to have a discussion with him and talk through this and find his reasoning. He needs to be able to justify the severity of the punishment. You may not agree with his justification, but there needs to be one, and you need to at least be able to understand it.

Phil04

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sweetie
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Location: United Kingdom

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by sweetie » Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:29 pm

The cane is by far the worst implement I’ve ever had to endure. Fortunately I don’t think we possess one currently.

I agree there’s a disconnect between how serious your HoH thought this offence was and how serious you thought it was. There’s nothing worse than receiving an extremely severe punishment without knowing why as it creates a sense of confusion and even unfairness. Are you able to discuss it with your HoH?
sweetie x
Please inform MrsSweetie, my HoH, if I'm in any way impolite, disrespectful, inapproptiate, or cause any offence

Tabitha
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:57 pm

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Tabitha » Thu Sep 06, 2018 2:35 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Tue Sep 04, 2018 5:11 pm
. Maybe it is not the cane itself, but the power your husband used to cane you. He has the right to choose the type of punishment you need. But you have the right to disagree with something you are not comfortable with.
Yes, the strength of the strokes he delivered made it worse. Thanks for your feedback.
CassLynn wrote:
Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:07 pm
I feel really bad that you were hurt emotionally by the amount of force used. I think it works out best if the sub feels a lot of guilt when receiving a very painful punishment because the pain then makes sense and can be accepted. Your husband must have felt that the incident was more serious than you did. Maybe he needed to give a better lecture so you at least understood why it was a big deal to him even if you didn’t agree. Or possibly he didn’t understand how intense your experience would be. I’m just guessing but I think this may be a time where DD showed its imperfections. When differing perceptions between partners created a bad situation. I think for most DD couples that does happen but it’s rare and it can be worked through. I think it’s a good plan to have a serious talk and hopefully you can work together to fix whatever breakdown in the process there might have been. DD won’t work very well for you without resolving this. I hope you’re able to figure out what went wrong and keep enjoying the benefits of DD. Again I’m sorry you were/are so traumatized.

One more note in case it helps: before our cane broke my husband used it now and then. Cane strokes are serious and I always received them with trepidation. I had the lines on my skin and all. They hurt a lot but I don’t remember ever being emotionally traumatized by a caning. Who knows why we react the way we do. I don’t know why the cane doesn’t freak me out but it did you. Your husband may not have known you would feel scary emotions since that was your first cane experience. Now that he does know maybe you can agree to reserving the cane for the most serious times—like a once a year kind of thing.

Please disregard any of this advice that doesn’t apply. These are just best guesses based on the limited info I have.
Thanks! Good point about our different perceptions of the incident.
When you were caned, I hope you avoided the "Five-Bar Gate".
femalefirefighter wrote:
Tue Sep 04, 2018 9:47 pm
Sending you a message!!

FFF👩🏻‍🚒
Thanks!
NateG wrote:
Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:03 am
Tabitha,

I am sorry this was a bad experience for you. It bothers me more that you feel betrayed by your husband. Can you explain more on that? On why you feel betrayed? Do you think he swung harder than necessary or expected? Do you feel the punishment unwarranted? You may be justified etc, but I would like to know why you feel that way.

Evidently your indiscretion was much more serious to him than you thought. He might have been embarrassed by what you said and that people heard or he might have feared it getting back to the colleague and then having to deal with it later.

I do think you should have been spanked for it. You evidently said something embarrassing, rude or not nice at a social event about someone who wasn't there. We have all done it, but shouldn't. I have no trouble with the fact that you were punished for this, but the cane does seem pretty excessive. Unless this has been a continued problem??

Again, I'm sorry this had such a bad effect on you. I hope you can work things out with your husband.

Nate
Thanks! Feel betrayed because for all past punishments he gave me a warm-up spanking by hand for comfort/preparation. But this time, for my "introduction" to the cane, he dispenses with the warm-up and swings the cane with great force. I think that was mean and unfair. So, betrayed.
Phil04 wrote:
Wed Sep 05, 2018 9:46 am

Tabitha,
I agree with Nate that you deserved to be punished. However, I don't think your betrayal comes from being punished, but from the severity of the punishment. Based on the information you gave, this sounds like a failure on your HoH's part. A follower should always understand why they are being punished, and that includes understanding the severity. As soon as he gets back, you need to have a discussion with him and talk through this and find his reasoning. He needs to be able to justify the severity of the punishment. You may not agree with his justification, but there needs to be one, and you need to at least be able to understand it.

Phil04
Thanks! As you say, I accept that I earned a punishment, but.....
sweetie wrote:
Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:29 pm
The cane is by far the worst implement I’ve ever had to endure. Fortunately I don’t think we possess one currently.

I agree there’s a disconnect between how serious your HoH thought this offence was and how serious you thought it was. There’s nothing worse than receiving an extremely severe punishment without knowing why as it creates a sense of confusion and even unfairness. Are you able to discuss it with your HoH?
Thanks, and don't worry, I certainly will discuss with him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall, thanks to everyone for your comments and concern. I appreciate them very much.

Can I clarify two things with you all?
1. Nobody referred specifically to the "Five-Bar Gate" style of caning I received. Did I make clear exactly what it involves so that you fully understand?
2. Do you think this style of caning is acceptable?

Tirzah
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 9:38 am
Location: Scotland, UK

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Tirzah » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:11 pm

Overall, thanks to everyone for your comments and concern. I appreciate them very much.

Can I clarify two things with you all?
1. Nobody referred specifically to the "Five-Bar Gate" style of caning I received. Did I make clear exactly what it involves so that you fully understand?
2. Do you think this style of caning is acceptable?

Tabitha
I do not know much about caning and have never experienced it. ive also never heard of the five bar gate. I always thought that the strokes were to remain separate.

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Phil04
Posts: 269
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2018 8:42 am
Location: Texas

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Phil04 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:17 pm

Tabitha wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 2:35 pm
Can I clarify two things with you all?
1. Nobody referred specifically to the "Five-Bar Gate" style of caning I received. Did I make clear exactly what it involves so that you fully understand?
2. Do you think this style of caning is acceptable?
1) I think I have a pretty good understanding of what happened, and the name itself is pretty descriptive for anybody who has spent time in the country opening and closing gates.

2) I don't see why this style would be unacceptable in broad terms. I can see where it would be severe, but some infractions deserve sever punishment. The issue here is did YOUR infraction deserve such a severe punishment and why. That is a question that only your husband can answer.

Phil04
Last edited by Phil04 on Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Phil04
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Location: Texas

Re: My First Caning - painful beyond belief

Post by Phil04 » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:23 pm

Tirzah wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:11 pm
Tabitha
I do not know much about caning and have never experienced it. ive also never heard of the five bar gate. I always thought that the strokes were to remain separate.
In this case it sounds like there were 5 parallel strokes with a sixth going across them diagonally. So that is looks something like the gate in the picture below. Normally the strokes are kept separate. Part of the severity of this method is that you are going back over already bruised skin.

Image

Phil04

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