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Punishment that isn't one / stops at the wrong point

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:26 pm
by Maya_M
I wonder how to deal with punishment stopping at the wrong time. It happens from time to time that husband choses a punishment which makes me ten times more angry than before or than regret anything- or he stops the spanking way before I'm there to apologise or see what I was doing wrong but stays in the mood that he isn't the one who is wrong.
Then we startet arguing even more then's so frustrating for both of us. Sometimes I can manage to calm down myself by going to sleep or something like that but sometimes it gets only worse with my bad feelings (and attitude) by these methods/time of stopping.
We talk about this problem often and he isn't really trying and I am really trying, but sometimes we still just miss another.

How do you deal with such a situation?

Re: Punishment that isn't one / stops at the wrong point

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 4:17 pm
by Lauren

Can you please give us some examples of other punishments besides spanking that get you frustrated because they are done too soon? We can help you better if we know what we are dealing with.

Regarding the spanking being done too soon, a lot of us have experienced that at some point in our journey. It is so frustrating. Here is a guide you can share with your husband to help him understand when it should really be over with.

This is the step process of a thorough spanking:
1.This is okay, doesn't hurt.
2. Starting to hurt a little.
3. This is uncomfortable.
4. This hurts.
5. This hurts a lot. Squirming.
6. Pleading
7. Full submission, where you are limp.
8. He goes a tiny bit longer to drive the point home.

Re: Punishment that isn't one / stops at the wrong point

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 4:20 pm
by Jacob HF
I would start by asking him why he stops.

Do so when it is not currently going on.

It's really hard to speculate on what you can do without knowing what is going on from his perspective.


Re: Punishment that isn't one / stops at the wrong point

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 5:44 pm
by tedJ
I agree with these other replies. My first thought is that we need to understand a little more about what is occurring in this specific case. Lauren is right… there are several possible reactions to physical discipline. Depending on the perceived discomfort it’s causing and the severity of punishment, it’s possible to experience a number of reactions during a single session. Done thoroughly, you can expect that you'll experience all of them.

I’ll also say that one of the things I learned was that sometimes it’s not necessarily the length of the discipline that needs to change. Making small adjustments to the position in which you’re corrected, with what implement(s), how much you’re allowed to wear, and how fast/hard the punishment is administered can all make a big difference in the overall effectiveness. Even the mindset you are put in through the use of corner time or other more mental components can really help you achieve the desired outcome.

All that to say, the heart behind DD in so many cases is really to facilitate good communication with your partner. It has a physical component, but it can’t replace good listening (to what is and what is not being said) as well as “listening” to body language, etc. Done right, DD can help you both synchronize yourselves in the right direction to help you reach defined goals. It sounds like there are some other communication issues that could be influencing your ability to effectively receive correction. I'm also curious what consequence is administered for you arguing (having a bad attitude, etc.) with him after you've been corrected? In many relationships, that would be reason enough to further the punishment or increase its severity.

We look forward to learning more about your specific situation and perhaps we'll be able to offer some further thoughts.

Re: Punishment that isn't one / stops at the wrong point

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2022 10:38 pm
by Rand E
It's interesting the various other replies. My perspective, I think, is going to be a bit different from many of the traditional DD folks here. My wife and I have a coDD arrangement, where we share authority. This requires a lot of cooperation, mutual understanding, negotiation, and, well, just plain horse trading. To make this work, we agreed on a fairly specific set of rules, and specific discipline associated with each kind of infraction. There is some discretion for the dom, but not all that much. Mostly, any variance is just a response to a bad attitude by the sub. So, we try to stay in sync with each other by being explicit about what is expected in each situation. I assume you are the straight sub or TiH in your DD arrangement, so you probably don't want to have to be more assertive or control the situation. But you may want to consider taking charge just a little bit and talking it out, getting more specific about what you expect from disciplinary sessions, and put your foot down if you have to. And if you find it hard to argue constructively or rationally, then that's really a problem you need to work on with him. Nothing will work in the long run if you don't communicate and have a meeting of the minds.