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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2021 10:07 am
Sorry as I’ve been traveling the last few weeks and haven’t had a chance to jump on. I think you’re comment is exactly what I mean. The routine, consistent effort really does seem to make a difference. Finding the balance that can keep things going but still be maintained, even during the hectic events of everyday life is the struggle. And deciding when to impose and when to not impose is a tricky part for the HOH.
Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2021 7:37 am
We have been living DD for several years. Over this time she has developed numerous physical problems and I sometimes think I will be considerate and let her slide in terms of discipline. I don't tend to tell her why I didn't spank her. Thus she says I am inconsistent and I guess she is right. She did agree to the lifestyle and has never told me she is unable or unwilling to continue in DD. I guess I need to be less soft hearted and do what I agreed to do years ago. However as HOH don't I have the right to make the call to not spank in consideration of her physical situation.? We need to have a frank conversation I guess.
Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2021 1:07 pm
First, of course you have the right to determine when correction is appropriate. But there is a conceptual difference between what you have the right to do and what is the right thing for you to do. You need to uphold your end of your relationship and if that includes DD then you shouldn't ignore it.
Consistency is very important because it promotes trust. If you say you will hold your wife accountable and both of you have agreed to that then overlooking infractions leaves her wondering where the two of you stand. You need not necessarily impose a consequence for every infraction, but you should at least mention it and say you have a reason for not imposing anything, that way she knows that you are not just ignoring her.
Finally, if physical limitations are preventing spanking then you may need to rearrange how you do it or you may need to use entirely different corrective measures.
You should probably have a conversation with her about it, possibly after you have heard from a few other people here. Figure out an arrangement that will work for both of you, which includes something you can be consistent with and that will not harm her.
Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2021 8:47 am
Thank you Jacob for your reply.
You are correct of course that consistently is very important to a DD relationship. My big mistake was not in failure to spank but in failure to communicate with her when I didn't spank. I left her wondering why I didn't do what I had agreed to do years ago. This doesn't mean I have decided not to spank anymore but I may have to take it on a case by case basis .But she does need to know why I decide to not spank and have input into that decision. She has never implied or informed me that she needsa change in her discipline status because of her medical concerns so my failure to spank was a mystery to her. I will have a talk with her today about my concerns and the reason for my incosistency. Our lifestyle has been beneficial to both of us and I believe she will ask me to continue to correct her as I have before she
developed her physical issues. I want to give her the opportunity to understand where I have been coming from and how she would like to proceed.
Thanks again for your helpful suggestions
Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2021 3:06 pm
I have to say that for me consistency really makes a difference. As of late we have been somewhat inconsistent and I'll often fall short of expectations. We have discussed this and hope to get back on track.