Punishment when pregnant

[MrX]

Pregnant or not, if I saw that my wife's emotions, hormones, or general attitude were in a place that was likely to lead to her breaking a rule, I would do my best to stop it from escalating - whether that's sending her to time out for a bit, or to do some lines, or giving her an early bedtime. The intent is to stop her attitude from turning into negative actions.

How often are you successful to stop her attitude from escalating?

I would say that I am successful 9 out of 10 times. (I will add the caveat - we've been doing DD for over 20 years, so I know my wife very well. Early in our marriage, I was probably only successful at stopping her attitude from escalating 1 out of 100 times).

I'll add a couple recent examples in my journal thread here.

[DesertRose]

I would say that I am successful 9 out of 10 times. (I will add the caveat - we've been doing DD for over 20 years, so I know my wife very well. Early in our marriage, I was probably only successful at stopping her attitude from escalating 1 out of 100 times).

I'll add a couple recent examples in my journal thread here.

So it's all comes down to life experience.

I read the examples you wrote on your journal. Excellent. Thank you very much.

[MrX]

I would say that I am successful 9 out of 10 times. (I will add the caveat - we've been doing DD for over 20 years, so I know my wife very well. Early in our marriage, I was probably only successful at stopping her attitude from escalating 1 out of 100 times).

I'll add a couple recent examples in my journal thread here.

So it's all comes down to life experience.

I read the examples you wrote on your journal. Excellent. Thank you very much.

Much of it comes down to experience, although I wouldn't want to discourage anyone - we probably went from 1 out 100 to 1 out of 10 in a matter of a year or less.

One theme that you'll see from me over and over on this forum as I talk about DD - the DD husband has a special and unique responsibility to learn their wife inside and out - mind, body, and soul.

This goes for preventing misbehavior. The husband should endeavor to learn to read their wife so that they know when she is headed into trouble well before she does. He should be able to read the warning signs a mile ahead. More than that, he should know the variables that go into her behavior - for example, I know that when my wife gets less than a certain amount of sleep, or when she eats certain things, or when she is in front of a screen for too long, or when she is with certain people for too long - that I need to keep an especially close eye out to protect her.

In addition, a DD husband knowing his wife inside and out also translates to discipline. I can reduce my wife to remorseful tears with a hand spanking, and I can have her learn absolutely nothing from a severe paddling. Spanking is just as much mental and emotional as it is physical - a lot of men don't get that.

So all that to say - it's less about life experience, and more about wife experience. The more seriously a DD husband takes his responsibility, and the more he becomes an active student of his wife, the more effective he can be in protecting her from getting in trouble and correcting her when she does get in trouble.

[BillW]

To the extent that anybody cares, I'm with Alice on this. I tried to get my view in "My Love's a Flower" poem that while blow-ups do result in attitude adjustments, people shouldn't make bigger issues of them than they are. For it IS better out than in when the alternative is Ke eping something bottled up inside and making yourself sick. Flesh and blood are just flesh and blood, and as we judge, so will we be judged ourselves (whether we call this Karma, Christianity or elementary human relations).

Martin Buber wrote a famous book entitled, "I and Thou." In it he pointed out that the opposite of love is NOT hate. Hate is a string, intimate, emotional connection with another that has a negative valence. That's why a simple spankng can flip the valence back to strong love again without the connection ever having been broken. Both of them are the same basic caring.

The REAL opposite of love is indifference -- not caring about the other on a personal level at all: it is regarding a fellow human being at arm's length as an abstraction -- e.g., "a consumer is a consumer." True on the surface but, an a deeper sense, disastrously false.

Further: this forum is one of the few places end I've found where people grasp the truth of another thing he said: that even violence against someone you genuinely confront is better than impersonal concern for someone regarded disinterestly. From the former, a path leads directly to God; from the latter, the way continues downward to nothingness.

It seems on this end that when you regard rule violations as cut-&-dried, black-&-white issues that call for by-the-book responses, this can suggest greater concern for upholding the rules no matter what than for the wellbeing of one's life partner.