Punishment when pregnant

[NewHoh]

Anyone have any advice on how to discipline when wife is pregnant? Usually she gets spanked but find it harder to get in the right position now

[Lauren]

We've used spanking during all of my pregnancies. We just had to change positions.

[NewHoh]

Thanks! I've also been more hesitant to discipline her for talking disrespectfully because at times I feel she's just hormonal and it's not fair for me to hold her accountable. Am I right? Or should I still expect her respect

[VernAKmiss]

I’m sure it’s a fine line. I am currently pregnant and the hormones are definitely tricky to navigate and would surely expect some grace/mercy from my husband during the circumstances. I would say it has to be your discretion to decide? Is it a constant state of attitude and excuses due to hormones or is it an occasional outburst with underlying conditions like lack of sleep or certain circumstances? Do you use maintenance spankings?? Is she remorseful after it happens and apologize or is she just getting crankier and crankier? As the wife I would rather appreciate him to bring it up in direct conversation to me. Ask her about it. Does she notice her disrespect? Is this something that she feels is slipping? Would she benefit from a weekly/bi weekly ‘reminder’ spanking about it to keep it on her mind rather than a punishment spanking for every offense? A little communication would go a long way. I also feel (for me) just because I am pregnant it doesn’t excuse my actions/words and I would still want to be held accountable.

[Lauren]

I agree with what VernAKmiss said. Just because she's pregnant doesn't give her a reason to be disrespectful. Even "hormonal outbursts" aren't an excuse. There are reasons for those outbursts and that needs to be worked on.

[Jacob HF]

Thanks! I've also been more hesitant to discipline her for talking disrespectfully because at times I feel she's just hormonal and it's not fair for me to hold her accountable. Am I right? Or should I still expect her respect

I was planning to stay out of the pregnancy issue. But I can't on this one.

Hormones are an explanation, not an excuse. You are not responsible for your mood but you are for your actions.

--Jacob

[Lauren]

Hormones are an explanation, not an excuse. You are not responsible for your mood but you are for your actions.

What do you mean by "you are not responsible for your mood?"

[Jacob HF]

What do you mean by "you are not responsible for your mood?"

I mean that we can't control our emotional reactions at the moment. They happen before we can think.

In context, the OP was talking about pregnancy hormones. This is a real thing that affects some people way more than others. If a woman feels tense or uptight because of her hormones (whether from pregnancy or PMS, or whatever) she shouldn't be punished for that because she has no control over it. The same could be said for depression.

What she does have control over is how she behaves while she has that mood. Behavior expectations should not change because of hormones. It might be reasonable to mitigate consequences out of grace, but the behavior standards themselves should not, in my opinion, be reduced.

For completeness, I should say that some couples find that a spanking can improve mood. I have no problem with that, but that isn't a punishment.

--Jacob

[Lauren]

I mean that we can't control our emotional reactions at the moment. They happen before we can think.

What she does have control over is how she behaves while she has that mood.

This is a contradiction.

[VernAKmiss]

I mean that we can't control our emotional reactions at the moment. They happen before we can think.

What she does have control over is how she behaves while she has that mood.

This is a contradiction.

I think that what Jacob is saying is that feelings are indicators, not dictators. We may feel upset, sad, angry or put whatever XYZ emotion here and they will certainly indicate that there is something going on to cause that but emotions do not have to dictate our reactions. Meaning maybe we are having a rough morning, didn’t sleep well, stubbed toe and spilled coffee all within 5 minutes of waking up... feeling may be frustration, anger, sadness those feelings are absolutely okay to have but the way we handle them is a different story. So you go t get yourself a bandaid for your now bleeding toe. Do I choose to slam the cupboard when I close it after getting a bandaid? Do I curse and huff and puff while cleaning up the coffee I just spilled? Do I snap at my husband when he walks in wondering what all of the racket is about?? All of those things are my choice and may not be acceptable.


“Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift . . . called self-control.”
Lysa TerKeurst