Christians...? I’d love some input.

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Fri Nov 06, 2020 3:30 pm

Lauren thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate you saying not to obsess over what others do. And I think I have been trying to take parts and pieces from others and imagine what it will play out like for us. We haven’t even begun DD anything officially so I think I’m trying to be educated with ideas and then be open to see what happens for us. He’s coming home today after being gone all week and I’m assuming we will talk tonight in person. I’m very interested in what he has to say as I’ve said quite a bit and just need to shut it and listen tonight without being pushy or over the top about any of it he is comfortable with. I found an app to help keep me accountable to certain things which could be a great way for him to see areas of struggle for me.

Jacob HF
Posts: 156
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Jacob HF » Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:08 pm

You may find this post helpful

https://christiandomesticdisciplinelife ... oundation/

--Jacob

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Fri Nov 06, 2020 11:22 pm

Jacob HF wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:08 pm
You may find this post helpful

https://christiandomesticdisciplinelife ... oundation/

--Jacob
I really did find that helpful along with the post on that site about maintenance spankings. Depending on how things go with the conversations with my husband tonight I will plan to share these articles with him. I really do not want to resort to ‘bratting’ to get a spanking I feel I deserve which with maintenance spankings imminent shouldn’t be necessary.

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Phil04
Posts: 384
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2018 8:42 am
Location: Texas

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Phil04 » Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:05 am

VernAKmiss wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 11:22 pm
Jacob HF wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:08 pm
You may find this post helpful

https://christiandomesticdisciplinelife ... oundation/

--Jacob
I really did find that helpful along with the post on that site about maintenance spankings. Depending on how things go with the conversations with my husband tonight I will plan to share these articles with him. I really do not want to resort to ‘bratting’ to get a spanking I feel I deserve which with maintenance spankings imminent shouldn’t be necessary.
You have the wrong mindset going in.

I really do not want to resort to ‘bratting’ to get a spanking I feel I deserve...
By nature of this dynamic you are giving your husband authority to decide what punishment you deserve. That includes giving him the authority to decide that you what you did does not deserve a punishment. By trying to dictate when you should be punished you are actually undermining his authority. It is commonly refered to around here as topping from the bottom, and it never works out well.

Phil

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Sun Nov 08, 2020 1:12 pm

You have the wrong mindset going in.




Did you read the article Phil? It talked about women who aren’t spanked regularly who need to be could resort to ‘bratting’ even if they aren’t aware of it. My husband is also VERY New and VERY apprehensive about this at all. I notice my moods just increasingly get more fragile and I get a little snipper over time. I just want to know he will bend me over and spank me so I can snap out of it again.

BillW
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2020 12:23 pm

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by BillW » Mon Nov 09, 2020 3:21 pm

Vern - a couple non-Biblical proverbs I go by, for what they may be worth. I've found them true over the course of coming up on 72 years: All the old cliches are true. That's why they're cliches. Number two: Life is not really all that complicated -- it just only works the way it works.

The Bible is pretty clear and simple (to my wife and I at least). As far as having a Christlike attitude, Revelation 3:19. -- As many as I love I reprove and chastise.

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MrX
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 9:26 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by MrX » Fri Nov 13, 2020 3:57 pm

Did you ever doubt or question whether DD was a Biblical practice?


Nope. Neither my wife nor I have ever struggled with integrating DD with our Christian faith. We both believe that the Bible describes certain roles for men and women that are anchored all the way back in Creation and reinforced throughout Scripture, including in the household codes documented in the New Testament epistles.

Is DD required for Christians? No. But can it be a beneficial way for a husband and wife to practically apply Biblical headship and submission? Yes, I believe so.

How do I step out of that role and naturally allow him room to be the leader?

This is a very common issue in many modern marriages. It is seldom something that changes overnight, but is a journey in which you make the commitment to surrender things over to him, and let go of the outcome - for example, early in our marriage my wife came to me and said, "It is emotionally draining for me to think about our money. Please rescue me from having to care about it. From now on, just tell me what I am allowed to spend, and spank me if I overspend."

How long have you guys been together/married?

Over 20 years, practicing DD for over 20 years as well.


Do you have children?

Yes, we have a whole mess of kids ranging from diapers to drivers licenses.

Was it his idea or yours or both?

Both, I guess? When we were dating it came up - I think perhaps her dad made a joke about it? I forget. But we got to talking, then did some research and learned that this was actually a thing, and went from there.

What are your list of rules/goals?

We have a fairly small set of rules around obedience, respect, behavior, and household expectations.

What types of spankings happen in your home?

The majority of spankings that occur in our home are over the knee, bare bottom, with my hand. I can easily redden my wife's bottom and bring her to remorseful tears without an implement. On occasion, I will use a switch, paddle (small or large), my belt, a spoon, or other handy implements.

Spankings are primarily disciplinary. I'll do maintenance spankings during certain times when I can tell that it is needed. I give LOTS of warning swats (a quick whack or two given immediately when some small infraction occurs).

Can you walk me through a typical punishment session?

Timeout, spanking and lecturing, more timeout, more spanking and lecturing, repeat until aftercare. You can see more examples in my journal viewtopic.php?f=14&t=912.

What are the most common positions and implements used?

As mentioned above, probably 80% of spankings are over the knee using my hand.

Does he use any other forms of physical punishments to your body, mouth soapings, writing, groundings or restricted privileges?

Yes. This is where we are somewhat unique compared to others on this forum. I view it as part of my responsibility to keep my wife from getting to the point that she gets herself into the type of trouble that warrants spanking. That means that if I see she is starting to get an attitude, she will get sent to timeout to calm down before she gets herself in trouble. Timeout is extremely common, as is writing lines. Grounding and restricted privileges happen a decent amount of time as well. I've only had to mouth soap a couple times in our entire marriage.

Do you feel aroused after a punishment? If so do you feel guilty about that??


Certainly the act of spanking can be physiologically exciting - I do enjoy the sight of my wife's bare butt. But no, for us spanking is not a sexual thing and normally the task at hand keeps us both plenty occupied.

What advice could you give me or my husband who are brand new?


Be patient. Communicate openly. If you surrender something to him, do so fully - meaning, if he fails, he fails. At some point in the beginning, it is probably a good idea to do some sort of bootcamp - it helps him learn how you respond to different spankings and gives him confidence.

VernAKmiss
Posts: 152
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Sat Nov 14, 2020 1:13 am

MrX wrote:
Fri Nov 13, 2020 3:57 pm
Did you ever doubt or question whether DD was a Biblical practice?


Nope. Neither my wife nor I have ever struggled with integrating DD with our Christian faith. We both believe that the Bible describes certain roles for men and women that are anchored all the way back in Creation and reinforced throughout Scripture, including in the household codes documented in the New Testament epistles.

Is DD required for Christians? No. But can it be a beneficial way for a husband and wife to practically apply Biblical headship and submission? Yes, I believe so.

How do I step out of that role and naturally allow him room to be the leader?

This is a very common issue in many modern marriages. It is seldom something that changes overnight, but is a journey in which you make the commitment to surrender things over to him, and let go of the outcome - for example, early in our marriage my wife came to me and said, "It is emotionally draining for me to think about our money. Please rescue me from having to care about it. From now on, just tell me what I am allowed to spend, and spank me if I overspend."

How long have you guys been together/married?

Over 20 years, practicing DD for over 20 years as well.


Do you have children?

Yes, we have a whole mess of kids ranging from diapers to drivers licenses.

Was it his idea or yours or both?

Both, I guess? When we were dating it came up - I think perhaps her dad made a joke about it? I forget. But we got to talking, then did some research and learned that this was actually a thing, and went from there.

What are your list of rules/goals?

We have a fairly small set of rules around obedience, respect, behavior, and household expectations.

What types of spankings happen in your home?

The majority of spankings that occur in our home are over the knee, bare bottom, with my hand. I can easily redden my wife's bottom and bring her to remorseful tears without an implement. On occasion, I will use a switch, paddle (small or large), my belt, a spoon, or other handy implements.

Spankings are primarily disciplinary. I'll do maintenance spankings during certain times when I can tell that it is needed. I give LOTS of warning swats (a quick whack or two given immediately when some small infraction occurs).

Can you walk me through a typical punishment session?

Timeout, spanking and lecturing, more timeout, more spanking and lecturing, repeat until aftercare. You can see more examples in my journal viewtopic.php?f=14&t=912.

What are the most common positions and implements used?

As mentioned above, probably 80% of spankings are over the knee using my hand.

Does he use any other forms of physical punishments to your body, mouth soapings, writing, groundings or restricted privileges?

Yes. This is where we are somewhat unique compared to others on this forum. I view it as part of my responsibility to keep my wife from getting to the point that she gets herself into the type of trouble that warrants spanking. That means that if I see she is starting to get an attitude, she will get sent to timeout to calm down before she gets herself in trouble. Timeout is extremely common, as is writing lines. Grounding and restricted privileges happen a decent amount of time as well. I've only had to mouth soap a couple times in our entire marriage.

Do you feel aroused after a punishment? If so do you feel guilty about that??


Certainly the act of spanking can be physiologically exciting - I do enjoy the sight of my wife's bare butt. But no, for us spanking is not a sexual thing and normally the task at hand keeps us both plenty occupied.

What advice could you give me or my husband who are brand new?


Be patient. Communicate openly. If you surrender something to him, do so fully - meaning, if he fails, he fails. At some point in the beginning, it is probably a good idea to do some sort of bootcamp - it helps him learn how you respond to different spankings and gives him confidence.


Thank you so much for your thoughtful and thorough reply. We are currently in “practice mode” as we have deemed it. He’s already spanked me twice this week hard enough to leave me feeling it the next day and bruised for 2-3 days. So I’m very proud of him for that. Both times were all lead by him but not for any specific reason. He’s asked questions about how high and low is safe to spank and tested his strength and my tolerance against his hand, yard stick, belt and flat wooden spoon. I’m thinking once we’ve had a few more practice sessions and he’s feeling more comfortable I’ll ask him to hold me accountable on more ‘rare occurance’ items like for me porn is something I’ve struggled with since I was a teen and I know it is sinful and want to quit. It’s not something that happens often but I would love to have accountability with the promise of a true punishment spanking if it happens. And since I am in charge of our finances I would love some accountability with our spending. I have had a handful of instances this year where I don’t budget correctly and the bank moves money from our savings to checking for us and they charge us a fee. I want that to be a punishable offense because it’s so avoidable and just requires a bit more diligence on my end. I am hoping he will say yes to that. He was very concerned about ‘changing our entire relationship’ by adding DD and things just feeling so unnatural and weird. We already have a wonderful relationship and rarely even argue and if we do it’s over something silly and we’re both over it within minutes. I do handle most of the regular household, kid and family functions and runnings and that is fine with me and it works well for us. I’m hoping once he is comfortable we could agree on a maintenance/stress relief spanking schedule so we would both have realistic expectations. I do think he is enjoying the role as spanker more than I expected quite honestly. He purchased a small paddle with holes that came in yesterday that I’m actually sort of nervous about. I appreciate your wisdom In noticing when your wife is getting grumpy and doing preventative measures to keep her out of a spanking. I feel I would benefit from that greatly. When I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed it definitely comes out as frustration towards my kids. I’ve just noticed in this last week that after being spanked I’m so much more level headed and patient and that reminder to keep my reactions and words towards them patient, kind and loving has been fantastic. I totally went on rambling so thanks again for reading and replying. I’m thinking I’ll start a thread under the journals section to keep a diary of how our story unfolds.

leenicolelinn
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by leenicolelinn » Sat Nov 14, 2020 5:50 am

Vern, Thanks for the update, sounds like you are off to a good beginning.

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

RoZiBotm
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 4:37 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by RoZiBotm » Fri Dec 04, 2020 2:34 am

Hi, I’m new to this site, but so glad I found it. I’ve always been interested in spanking. Since I was a child. But never shared that info with anyone. Until I got married. But my husband thought spanking was a joke/foreplay. I didn’t mention it again til I met my second partner, which I was with 20 years, he was vanilla too. He laughed at the idea of spousal discipline. So I made the decision to search for a partner who was in the lifestyle. I’m still looking. But I’ve done tons of research on DD/CDD and I’m convinced it’s definitely for me. I’m a devout Christian and though I’m far from an ideal Christian, I seek to only do what would make God happy with me. And I fluctuate between wondering if this lifestyle is ok with God and knowing I can’t live any other lifestyle, so I’m going to assume it’s ok with God. I pray about it a lot. All the while looking for a Hoh. I belong to different DD groups on social media. I read about others in the lifestyle solving problems in their relationships with discipline, growing in their relationships, often in Christ together, I worry I might be coveting those peoples lifestyle, not being grateful for all Gods blessed me with, and yet, I know this lifestyle is something I desperately need. I desire a man to lead me, to be the head of our household. I’m too old for children, but would welcome his adult children and grandchildren, knowing children shouldn’t be around during any discipline. Privacy is a necessity. It would not bother me if I initiated the idea of DD, or if he did. My goals might involve not overspending, not procrastinating, being more focused, getting more organized, managing my time better and improving my listening skills. I do utilize a disciplinarian, who can’t discipline me hands on, so an ex boy friend (the 20 year person) gives me maintenance once a week under his direction. I usually get the bath brush or a belt, and as I have a high tolerance, it’s usually a high number. A typical spanking is as follows. I present myself nude, laying over pillows on the bed. My ex spanks me with the brush/belt on the bare bottom/sit spots/thighs x number of times, corner time when he tires, then back on the bed to finish. I have him take a photo which I send to my disciplinarian. He approves or disapproves it. If more is needed, I get it. Then (as my ex is unaware of lifestyle practices), I return to normal activities or go to bed. My disciplinarian has said he’d step down if I found a Hoh. He has given me lines, sent me to bed early, and grounded me at times. But spanking is what is most effective for me. I don’t get aroused from spanking. Not at all. It is just disciplinary not erotic/funishment. As for new husbands, or new partners for that matter, society has made it difficult for men to be themselves. Men have a natural bend toward leadership, they are naturally problem solvers and really want to help. We ladies need to give them space to do so. And as a Christian woman, we need to seek to be the helpmeet God intended us to be. Seek to nurture and get your joy from service and pleasing him. And he will reciprocate. Men, women can be hard to figure out sometimes, but there is something sexy about a man who is not afraid to step in and take charge, and care enough about your partner to use discipline to help her be the best woman she can be for both your relationship together and your mutual walk of faith. Thank you @VernAKmiss, @Jacob HF, @Lauren, @Olivia, and @leenicolelinn for your insight. Would love to chat further about DD and Christianity. RoZiBotm

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