Christians...? I’d love some input.

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
VernAKmiss
Posts: 157
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Thu Nov 05, 2020 1:11 pm

I am very interested in how you began your journey especially as a Christian. Did you ever doubt or question weather DD was a Biblical practice? Or feel guilty for introducing spanking as the wife? In our marriage (the wife) I’ve always been the ‘ring leader’, ‘runner of the show’ and ‘general manager/boss’ of everything related to our household, kids, finances and its runnings. My personality has aided that in being the outgoing one and I sort of just fell into that role from the start (13 yrs ago). He provides for us financially and works hard without complaint and also helps at home with kids and house work as much as he can. He’s an incredible husband and father but I think I’ve made a mistake by stepping in to the leadership role in all of the areas and not allowing him room to use his God given rights as the leader and Shepard of our home. How do I step out of that role and naturally allow him room to be the leader? I know everyone had a different dynamic but I’m very interested to learn about how things play out in your home if you wouldn’t mind sharing some details. How long have you guys been together/married? Do you have children? Was it his idea or yours or both? What are your list of rules/goals? What types of spankings happen in your home? Can you walk me through a typical punishment session? What are the most common positions and implements used? Does he use any other forms of physical punishments to your body, mouth soapings, writing, groundings or restricted privileges? Do you feel aroused after a punishment? If so do you feel guilty about that?? What advice could you give me or my husband who are brand new? I want to submit and obey him and I want him to step up to the plate of taking on the responsibility of guiding me and ensuring I’m doing the very best I can to serve God, our family and him. I want to step down from the leadership that I have for so long had in our marriage and let him take control. I didn’t even realize what DD was until a few months ago but the more and more I read about it the more and more I feel it is exactly what I want. He’s taken on more responsibility at work and is more ‘in charge’ there, and has also taken on a more dominant role in our bedroom and it had taken a long time as it doesn’t come
Naturally to him but I have been patient and encouraging (I think). I believe he is ready to take on more authority over me in other areas of my life and I would love advice for him or me going into this. Thank you!

Jacob HF
Posts: 156
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Jacob HF » Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:42 pm

You have asked a lot of great questions and I am going to not answer most of them :), though I hope that others will.

There is a middle path that many people don't think about and I think you should at least be aware of.

There is a difference between leadership and management. A shipowner almost always hires a captain to run the ship. The owner is in charge but the captain runs things. At times the captain will even give instructions to the owner (such as in an emergency) that the owner is expected to follow. The owner doesn't follow the captain's instructions because the captain has the authority, it is because the captain has the expertise and knows what needs to be done. The owner always has the right to replace the captain at will.

If you have talents and experience and expertise running things, you don't necessarily need to stop doing that. You can continue to be a good manager of the home, family, even finances serving under your husband's authority as the ultimate leader of the family. In fact, in many families, it is a big help to a man to know that his wife has these things covered. His job is to ensure that it gets done, not necessarily to do it himself.
VernAKmiss wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 1:11 pm
Did you ever doubt or question weather DD was a Biblical practice?
Yes. I was actually interested in DD before I was saved and so I put a lot of effort later into learning if it is sinful. I concluded that it is not. I do not agree, however, with those who say that it is mandated. This falls into an area of practice that is neither commanded nor prohibited and therefore falls on the choice of each couple (and each individual) to decide if it is appropriate to them.

--Jacob

VernAKmiss
Posts: 157
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Thu Nov 05, 2020 3:05 pm

I appreciate your reply! And I love the comparison to a ship. I guess I didn’t necessarily mean that I want to/intend to step down from the responsibilities I have because I do handle them well (mostly) and have the expertise in them. I think what I’m looking for is for my husband to do exactly what you said. ‘Make sure they are getting done.’ Take on a little bit of authority over me doing them. I love creating a budget and paying our bills and I am usually the one having to rein him in on spending and explaining to him why we can’t just go out and buy him a new car. But I’ve had some issues myself keeping track of exact balances and have had some times where the checking account overdraws and it pulls money from our savings account, which they charge a fee for. (Which I think is dumb by the way) I’ve only had one late payment by like 2 days on anything in the last year but looked up these overdraft transfer fees and we have paid about $130 in these fees over the last year and I find that unacceptable especially when we have the money it’s just not in the right account or I don’t budget properly that week or make extra purchases. I’ve had issues with healthy eating and being pregnant again I want to eat as healthily as possible and cut back my sugar intake. I COULD do this on my own will power but then it’s just like who’s going to care if I snag one Halloween candy here or there?!? I also can get into lazy mode and let the household chores or laundry slack and have this running list in my head of what I ‘should’ get done but seem to decide that later would be fine because I know he won’t say anything about it. I’ve also struggled with pornography since I was a teen, as a Christian I KNOW this is sinful and I have stopped for long periods at a time but somehow some way I slip back into it. I really truly want to stop and want to see that he cares about something that I care about enough to help me through it. I would appreciate leadership from him that facilitated expectations, accountability and motivation for me. Does that make sense?? He’s always given me free range of basically everything and doesn’t seem to have many strong opinions on how things are ran. I think this desire to be ‘reined in’ comes from being allowed as a child and teen to basically do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I was manipulative and selfish and rude and it was my way or the highway with very little actual consequences from my parents and a handful of empty threats. Blah.... I don’t know where I’m going with this but yeah. I just desire so much for my husband to step into a more leadership role, provide loving boundaries and correction and be a bit more involved.

Olivia
Posts: 867
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Olivia » Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:33 pm

Jacob I loved your response, thank you for sharing!
We haven't practiced christianity in a long time so I won't speak to that but I do really appreciate hearing the influence it has on people
Spanking was suggested to us so it's a little different but the trails cross. I don't feel guilty at all for wanting this lifestyle... (I find it sad it's kept so private). I absolutely hate yelling, fighting, rudeness/ disrespect etc. and it doesn't last long in this house. We're able to move forward and gain better perspective quickly because of this lifestyle. I'm much more structured, black and white, a+b=c and my husband has an incredible will power but is more in the moment... we've tried a lot of things and what we've decided is to play our strengths, we compliment each other yet take different paths to the goal.
We've been together 19 years (high school sweet hearts) and are now married, started with this when we were teenagers.
Rules for me are simply to be respectful, listen and bedtime- then I have personal goals he holds me accountable for, I'm the one monitoring and I'm allowed some discretion (if I really struggle, like with bedtime, he could make a rule of it), these would be healthy eating, water, workout etc.
I'm spanked for punishment. I'm punished as soon as reasonably possible. Sometimes a few swats in the moment (rare). He almost always sends me upstairs (sometimes he'll specify I have to be in the corner, I can stand or sit, other times I can be on the bed). He'll direct me to turn over (if I was really naughty, to pull my pants down) .. then he'll start by asking me why I'm getting spanked, what I'm going to do differently etc. -then the spanking/ lecture. I usually get to keep my pants on unless it's something I've been punished for recently.... it took me years until I actually cried from a spanking but now I cry almost everytime, so afterwards, I collect my breath and he'll give me a hug and ask if I've learned my lesson, I thank him and apologize, again, for my behavior and we move on with what's 99.99 always a good night.
I'm usually on the bed on my stomach for a punishment (sometimes otk, bent over something or on all fours but very rarely). Most common implement is a paddle or bamboo stick but he'll use anything and right down to his hand, they all stink!
If I swear at him in disrespect I'll likely get soap in my mouth and a spanking (I can't recall it happening a second time). If I'm somewhat in control but somewhat not, I'm usually in the corner thinking (but he hasn't used the corner that way in a long time)- he had me write lines once but never had me do it a second time, not that it worked so well or didn't work, just hasn't had me to it again (I did have to do it in Sunday school one time and I still remember that lol, still have good posture)
I don't feel aroused after being punished.. after being spanked I feel peaceful, calm, grounded, ready to move forward new and improved, And sleepy. .. (if you do, don't feel guilty - work together to learn yourself, each other and what will be successful) I do however, find my husband so sexy when I think about times he has stepped up, corrected me and made me better - stopped a night from being ruined over something silly (when I look back on it later, later on lol)
My advice would be to communicate- you're feelings are not wrong, sometimes they need figuring out but you're in it together... don't get caught up in what a book or someone else is doing/ saying, you've been successful because you love each other- so trust each other in this process- it takes trial and error and patience like any other intimate relationship- allow him to lead and offer feedback as to how things made you feel and listen to his side too, talk about how you both feel in different situations, values and how you'd handle things -before they happen, process it before and after

VernAKmiss
Posts: 157
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Thu Nov 05, 2020 9:27 pm

Olivia wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:33 pm
Jacob I loved your response, thank you for sharing!
We haven't practiced christianity in a long time so I won't speak to that but I do really appreciate hearing the influence it has on people
Spanking was suggested to us so it's a little different but the trails cross. I don't feel guilty at all for wanting this lifestyle... (I find it sad it's kept so private). I absolutely hate yelling, fighting, rudeness/ disrespect etc. and it doesn't last long in this house. We're able to move forward and gain better perspective quickly because of this lifestyle. I'm much more structured, black and white, a+b=c and my husband has an incredible will power but is more in the moment... we've tried a lot of things and what we've decided is to play our strengths, we compliment each other yet take different paths to the goal.
We've been together 19 years (high school sweet hearts) and are now married, started with this when we were teenagers.
Rules for me are simply to be respectful, listen and bedtime- then I have personal goals he holds me accountable for, I'm the one monitoring and I'm allowed some discretion (if I really struggle, like with bedtime, he could make a rule of it), these would be healthy eating, water, workout etc.
I'm spanked for punishment. I'm punished as soon as reasonably possible. Sometimes a few swats in the moment (rare). He almost always sends me upstairs (sometimes he'll specify I have to be in the corner, I can stand or sit, other times I can be on the bed). He'll direct me to turn over (if I was really naughty, to pull my pants down) .. then he'll start by asking me why I'm getting spanked, what I'm going to do differently etc. -then the spanking/ lecture. I usually get to keep my pants on unless it's something I've been punished for recently.... it took me years until I actually cried from a spanking but now I cry almost everytime, so afterwards, I collect my breath and he'll give me a hug and ask if I've learned my lesson, I thank him and apologize, again, for my behavior and we move on with what's 99.99 always a good night.
I'm usually on the bed on my stomach for a punishment (sometimes otk, bent over something or on all fours but very rarely). Most common implement is a paddle or bamboo stick but he'll use anything and right down to his hand, they all stink!
If I swear at him in disrespect I'll likely get soap in my mouth and a spanking (I can't recall it happening a second time). If I'm somewhat in control but somewhat not, I'm usually in the corner thinking (but he hasn't used the corner that way in a long time)- he had me write lines once but never had me do it a second time, not that it worked so well or didn't work, just hasn't had me to it again (I did have to do it in Sunday school one time and I still remember that lol, still have good posture)
I don't feel aroused after being punished.. after being spanked I feel peaceful, calm, grounded, ready to move forward new and improved, And sleepy. .. (if you do, don't feel guilty - work together to learn yourself, each other and what will be successful) I do however, find my husband so sexy when I think about times he has stepped up, corrected me and made me better - stopped a night from being ruined over something silly (when I look back on it later, later on lol)
My advice would be to communicate- you're feelings are not wrong, sometimes they need figuring out but you're in it together... don't get caught up in what a book or someone else is doing/ saying, you've been successful because you love each other- so trust each other in this process- it takes trial and error and patience like any other intimate relationship- allow him to lead and offer feedback as to how things made you feel and listen to his side too, talk about how you both feel in different situations, values and how you'd handle things -before they happen, process it before and after
Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I certainly appreciate the reminder at the end that we need to find our own grove. I’m still waiting on response from my husband on weather or not he is willing to move forward with DD in our lives. We’ve experimented with it some but not for discipline, only ‘fun’. I’m praying and hoping that he agrees to a trial or at lease expresses a willingness to move forward some with it. I’ve been doin so much research and reading I think I’m making myself crazy and wanting to know and understand it all so I can be properly educated. Which may not be the best approach. I want to trust his ability to lead but I also want to be prepared if he ask questions or wants to
Understand more. Him being out of town with limited phone access this week has made me super antsy about it. I like that you mentioned that with some correction it can correct a bad mood they would have ruined a day. I can get like that some times in a grumpy funky mood and I’m just not pleasant to be around all day. I feel like a quick trip upstairs to bare and beat my bottom would snap me right out of it and the rest of our day would be much more pleasant. I know it’s going to be a challenge for him because for him to intentionally ‘hurt’ me goes against everything he’s ever learned as a man of honor, integrity and humble character.

Jacob HF
Posts: 156
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Jacob HF » Thu Nov 05, 2020 10:38 pm

VernAKmiss wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 3:05 pm
I’ve had issues with healthy eating and being pregnant again I want to eat as healthily as possible and cut back my sugar intake.
I haven't talked about this much here, but I am extremely anti-sugar. I think sugar is literally killing about 2/3 of Americans.

However, while we should all avoid sugar most should not worry in general about over-eating while pregnant. Most people (standard disclaimer, not giving specific nutritional or medical advice here) need all of the fat and protein that they can get to support the growing baby.

Okay, I am off my soap box.

--Jacob

VernAKmiss
Posts: 157
Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2020 12:18 am

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by VernAKmiss » Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:05 pm

Jacob HF wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 10:38 pm
VernAKmiss wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 3:05 pm
I’ve had issues with healthy eating and being pregnant again I want to eat as healthily as possible and cut back my sugar intake.
I haven't talked about this much here, but I am extremely anti-sugar. I think sugar is literally killing about 2/3 of Americans.

However, while we should all avoid sugar most should not worry in general about over-eating while pregnant. Most people (standard disclaimer, not giving specific nutritional or medical advice here) need all of the fat and protein that they can get to support the growing baby.

Okay, I am off my soap box.

--Jacob
Oh yes I agree completely. I’m not nearly as concerned about ‘over eating’ but certainly about curbing the sugar habit that had become an addiction over quarantine. I have curbed it greatly and have switched to a sugary treat once per weekend like family dinner desert type thing. But I find myself struggling some with soda or a quick bite of Halloween candy or the choice to get a frosty with my meal from Wendy’s when I should have gotten water. That sort of thing. This is my 5th child and I’m still nursing both of my youngest so I’m very familiar with proper calorie intake for a pregnancy. I appreciate your input. ♥️

Jacob HF
Posts: 156
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:53 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Jacob HF » Fri Nov 06, 2020 3:21 am

I hope this doesn't break any forum rules. But over at KetogenicForums.com (I have no affiliation) you will find lots of yummy sugar-free options that will satisfy any suite tooth.

--Jacob

leenicolelinn
Posts: 289
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:29 am
Location: Southern Ohio

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by leenicolelinn » Fri Nov 06, 2020 5:44 am

Jacob HF wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 10:38 pm
VernAKmiss wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 3:05 pm
I’ve had issues with healthy eating and being pregnant again I want to eat as healthily as possible and cut back my sugar intake.
I haven't talked about this much here, but I am extremely anti-sugar. I think sugar is literally killing about 2/3 of Americans.
I will jump back on that soap box😁 Ditto. Sugar is horrible for the human body. It causes inflammation and that causes a multitude of diseases, disability and death. Ok I am jumping down off the soap box.

Nic
Learning sweet submission and respect through my Heavenly Father and my HOH Husband.

Lauren
Posts: 1279
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Christians...? I’d love some input.

Post by Lauren » Fri Nov 06, 2020 1:11 pm

Did you ever doubt or question weather DD was a Biblical practice? Or feel guilty for introducing spanking as the wife? I did not ever question if DD was a Biblical practice. I am comfortable with my faith and my beliefs. I believe that whatever works for each married couple is God's plan. Domestic Discipline is not specifically in the Bible but I do think it is a tool that can help Christian couples succeed in fulfilling God's plans.

How do I step out of that role and naturally allow him room to be the leader? It's truly a mind matter. You need to disregard what the world tells us as women. You need to not care how other couples handle their relationships. You need to think what is pleasing to God and what he wants. You need to communicate and then communicate some more with your husband. pray a lot.


How long have you guys been together/married? We have been together almost 6 years. married for 4 years.

Do you have children? We have a 7 year old girl, 4 year old girl, 20 month old girl and a 7 week old boy.

Was it his idea or yours or both? It was my idea.

What are your list of rules/goals?
1. I WILL RESPECT MY HUSBAND
2. I WILL BE HONEST WITH MY HUSBAND
3. I WILL OBEY MY HUSBAND
4. I WILL LET THINGS GO
5. I WILL GO TO BED BY 11:30
6. I WILL NOT READ OR PLAY GAMES WHILE DRIVING
7. I WILL TAKE MY MEDICATION BY 9:00 A.M.
8. I WILL NOT USE PROFANITIES
9. I WILL BE ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR IN PUBLIC
10. I WILL TRUST MY HUSBAND
11. I WILL HONOR GOD ABOVE ALL ELSE


What types of spankings happen in your home? Punishment, stress relief and maintenance.

Can you walk me through a typical punishment session? We normally sit down and talk about what rule was broken, what happened, what I could have done differently, if there is anyway he can help the next time around and what is about to happen. We always start the spanking otk and with his hand. depending on the offense I will either stay over his knee and he will continue with paddles or I will get in an all four's position with my head resting on my forearms, bottom raised and then he will use a bet, cane, bamboo rod or a switch. After the spanking we usually hug, cuddle and he lets me cry it out if I need to. We normally talk more afterwards.

Does he use any other forms of physical punishments to your body, mouth soapings, writing, groundings or restricted privileges? Very rarely we do enemas, ginger roots and writing lines.

Do you feel aroused after a punishment? If so do you feel guilty about that?? This is a hard question to answer. Yes, my body responds to what is going on when receiving a spanking. And no, there is no reason to be ashamed or feel guilty. But punishment spankings aren't for fun. We separate the matters. We do not have sexual contact after a punishment spanking.

What advice could you give me or my husband who are brand new?Make sure you don't get obsessed what others on here do. We can give our advice and tell you what works in our marriages but that doesn't mean you need to do it or it will work in your marriage.

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