I made a HUGE mistake

[Flrswats2]

Haven’t posted here in a while. Mrs. Swats and I reignited our FLR/DD Agreement about a month ago. With everything shutting down in March it was very hard to stay on track. Life was crazy but our marriage suffered because if it.

Anyway, I made a pretty big mistake today. I was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED with her all day because she wasn’t being clear about our plans. I had other plans already but I wanted to be available to her and the kids in case she had decided she wanted me to go with. So I scratched my plans and basically waited around all day for her to eventually decide we weren’t gonna do anything at all.

In my fit of anger I yelled at her and told her if she didn’t know how to make an “F****ing” decision than she shouldn’t be in charge anyway.......

She told me to stop talking immediately and that tonight when the kids go to bed we have a lot to talk to about.....

I know exactly what that means. Anybody know how I might go about trying to explain my frustration or should I just keep my mouth shut, take whatever whooping is coming my way and move on down the road???

[Pink cheeks]

Haven’t posted here in a while. Mrs. Swats and I reignited our FLR/DD Agreement about a month ago. With everything shutting down in March it was very hard to stay on track. Life was crazy but our marriage suffered because if it.

Anyway, I made a pretty big mistake today. I was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED with her all day because she wasn’t being clear about our plans. I had other plans already but I wanted to be available to her and the kids in case she had decided she wanted me to go with. So I scratched my plans and basically waited around all day for her to eventually decide we weren’t gonna do anything at all.

In my fit of anger I yelled at her and told her if she didn’t know how to make an “F****ing” decision than she shouldn’t be in charge anyway.......

She told me to stop talking immediately and that tonight when the kids go to bed we have a lot to talk to about.....

I know exactly what that means. Anybody know how I might go about trying to explain my frustration or should I just keep my mouth shut, take whatever whooping is coming my way and move on down the road???

I guess you’ll get to do both. Explain and take the whoopin

[Flrswats2]

Thanks Pink Cheeks! I’m not the best at communicating when I’m angry. I wish I could cut the tongue out of my mouth when I get like that but instead I just say something totally out of line. I’m hoping for grace and understanding from her but I’m not really expecting it.

[Lauren]

Did she know you had plans for today? If so then I would calmly explain why you were upset. And take the whoopin. If she did not know then that's on you. We can't expect our partners to read our minds. Apologize for snapping and explain why you were upset. Than take the whoopin.

[Flrswats2]

Lauren, thanks for the reply. I don’t think I did a good enough job of making my plans clear to her. Mainly because if she wanted me to accompany her or watch the kids for her I wanted to be available to her. She watches them all week and this was gonna be a chance for her to get out and do something for her. But I was hoping for more clear instruction for me and it never came. I definitely should have communicate my expectation better and she probably could have given me a more clear directive.

And yes I’m writing this on a crimson red bottom. I was shown no mercy because of the way I spoke to her. I was given a 10 minute spanking with her hand, a strap and a wooden lollipop paddle. She made it very clear that I could have handled this in a much more respectful way and I agree. I apologized and we move on down the road.

[CassLynn]

I hope she is capable of validating your experience also. It sounds like you both could have communicated better. She is in charge and a punishment for your extreme outburst was appropriate but it’s also critical that she validate your experience. I know very well the dangers of invalidation. According to some marriage experts, it’s the most destructive thing to a marriage. Validation doesn’t mean agreement or assigning right or wrong or good or bad. It’s just each partner investigating the perspective of the other until they can say I see how this was from your point of view. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a critical part of the work of maintaining closeness.

[Flrswats2]

@Casslyn, thank you for your input. Yes. I believe she validated this lesson. In her words i was not punished for getting angry. I was disciplined because of how I got angry. Which I can understand in hindsight. She even admitted that she could have been more clear in her instruction but also made a point that I could have asked as well for more clear direction instead of just waiting for her to make a decision. Either way she wouldn’t have been upset. So all in all it was a valuable learning experience. She has increased the intensity of our DD which is different from our first DD attempt about 2 years ago. So this go around has been more difficult because the expectation in both of our roles is more intense. Or at least that is how I feel.

[Olivia]

Oh my gosh, I'm just reading this. I hate when frustration gets the better of me and I lose control... I'm glad that you were able to take responsibility for your outburst, learn from the consequences and have a good attitude while you move on down the road! Hope today goes a lot better for ya!

[Hunterjumper38]

I hate it when my emotions control my mouth. That is a huge issue with me as well. I’m sorry that you had a rough day but it sounds like you both have a great relationship. Welcome to the forum!

[Flrswats2]

I super appreciate everyone’s encouragement! I have had a tough time sitting today and the wooden chairs at the restaurant we went to for lunch didn’t help any. Haha But it’s a good reminder of what got me into that situation yesterday and yes today has been a much better day! Thank y’all!!