Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
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AddyJane
Posts: 253
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by AddyJane » Thu May 28, 2020 10:15 am

Sub/ TiHs, how do you handle punishment when you feel justified in the specific wrongdoing? 🤦🏽‍♀️
HoHs, do you have a method you use to see eye to eye in such an instance when all discussions fail?

(Edited to add: I guess there is no wrong answer- I was looking for more of a mental strategy as physically submitting has not been an issue for me, but I will take any and all advice.)

Shannon
Posts: 159
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by Shannon » Thu May 28, 2020 3:45 pm

Addy,

First it is nice to hear from you. You know at times I have a tendency to over think things :lol: So you may remember my rules are vague which helps me remember "it is what it is". In otherwords how my husband interrupts the situation is how the situation is. That keeps me from going down the questioning path most of the time. ;)

My short answer though is in order for a punishment to be beneficial for me I really need to get past thinking my wrong doing was totally justified. Most of the time for us there is no question. I know exactly what I did wrong and know the punishment is justified.

But...of course there are still times we see my actions differently. I had a different intention than how my husband took my intentions. My intention was to be helpful or good in some way. However he doesn't see that. The issue is he sees my actions in a different light or my good intentions created something that I hadn't anticipated.

If I continue to go through my thoughts in my head of what I had hoped, or what I meant, or why I did what I did, it's not helpful to either of us. The longer I stay in that mode the more apt I am to keep trying to explain my actions or be upset that he doesn't understand my point. You know exactly where this will lead us or me. Bigger trouble! And rightfully so because I am refusing to look past my perspective. I am being disrespectful and not helping us work through this.

It's obvious there is a concern or a punishment would not have been brought up. I have to come to terms with the fact that regardless of what my intentions had been that isn't how things turned out. I mean I usually can admit things didn't turn out the way I expected or wanted! Then I have to give myself some grace--"Well I had good intentions but boy did I create a mess of things instead!" Because usually the mess that we are in I definitely helped us get there. Sometimes I even created several other issue along the way because of my stubbornness of trying to be right or help him see the light.

Once I get myself to that point I have an easier time of actually listening and be open to my husbands view. Even if I had thought I was doing right at the time in order to learn from the experience, be able to feel the punishment is justified, and be able to move on I have to let go of what I thought or wanted and I have to focus on the CURRENT situation and actually close my mouth, be respectful, and listen to how my husband interrupts my actions. And be open to what he is saying. I have to remember that the way he sees the issue is how he sees it or how the situation made him feel. That is it! He is being honest. I can't take back how I made him feel during those moments. I can only try to understand his point of view, learn from the experience, and do better next time.

In otherwords I have to mentally stop my nonsense of trying to be right in my head and admit things didn't go right and gain insight from my husband on what I can learn from the situation and what I can do next time to help me stay off of this path.

Olivia
Posts: 633
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by Olivia » Fri May 29, 2020 7:50 am

Although sometimes are easier than others lol I can relate a lot to your response

Shannon
Posts: 159
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 3:20 pm

Re: Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by Shannon » Fri May 29, 2020 11:49 am

Olivia wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 7:50 am
Although sometimes are easier than others lol I can relate a lot to your response
Thankfully we do have those easier times. ;)

My face usually says exactly what I am thinking. I may think I am doing a great job of controlling my mouth and then my husband reminds me that my body language is communicaing very clearly. :shock: A little too clearly! :( Therefore, saying sorry if I am not would escalate things for us.

At times I am guilty of being set in my ways, wanting my way, or being stubborn about something. However, I end up realizing how the situation was hurtful to the peace in our home and know that things should have been done differently to have prevented that. It's all a learning experience.

AddyJane
Posts: 253
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 1:26 pm

Re: Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by AddyJane » Sun Jun 07, 2020 8:36 am

Shannon! ❤️ It’s been so long!
Yes, I really can relate with the below! I guess there is not a lot left for interpretation in my specific instance. But solid advice! I’ve missed your perspective!
Shannon wrote:
Thu May 28, 2020 3:45 pm
Addy,

First it is nice to hear from you. You know at times I have a tendency to over think things :lol: So you may remember my rules are vague which helps me remember "it is what it is". In otherwords how my husband interrupts the situation is how the situation is. That keeps me from going down the questioning path most of the time. ;)

My short answer though is in order for a punishment to be beneficial for me I really need to get past thinking my wrong doing was totally justified. Most of the time for us there is no question. I know exactly what I did wrong and know the punishment is justified.

But...of course there are still times we see my actions differently. I had a different intention than how my husband took my intentions. My intention was to be helpful or good in some way. However he doesn't see that. The issue is he sees my actions in a different light or my good intentions created something that I hadn't anticipated.

If I continue to go through my thoughts in my head of what I had hoped, or what I meant, or why I did what I did, it's not helpful to either of us. The longer I stay in that mode the more apt I am to keep trying to explain my actions or be upset that he doesn't understand my point. You know exactly where this will lead us or me. Bigger trouble! And rightfully so because I am refusing to look past my perspective. I am being disrespectful and not helping us work through this.

It's obvious there is a concern or a punishment would not have been brought up. I have to come to terms with the fact that regardless of what my intentions had been that isn't how things turned out. I mean I usually can admit things didn't turn out the way I expected or wanted! Then I have to give myself some grace--"Well I had good intentions but boy did I create a mess of things instead!" Because usually the mess that we are in I definitely helped us get there. Sometimes I even created several other issue along the way because of my stubbornness of trying to be right or help him see the light.

Once I get myself to that point I have an easier time of actually listening and be open to my husbands view. Even if I had thought I was doing right at the time in order to learn from the experience, be able to feel the punishment is justified, and be able to move on I have to let go of what I thought or wanted and I have to focus on the CURRENT situation and actually close my mouth, be respectful, and listen to how my husband interrupts my actions. And be open to what he is saying. I have to remember that the way he sees the issue is how he sees it or how the situation made him feel. That is it! He is being honest. I can't take back how I made him feel during those moments. I can only try to understand his point of view, learn from the experience, and do better next time.

In otherwords I have to mentally stop my nonsense of trying to be right in my head and admit things didn't go right and gain insight from my husband on what I can learn from the situation and what I can do next time to help me stay off of this path.

Goldilocks
Posts: 679
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:34 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Help/ Advice ( Sorry, not sorry)

Post by Goldilocks » Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:09 pm

Shannon wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 11:49 am
Olivia wrote:
Fri May 29, 2020 7:50 am
Although sometimes are easier than others lol I can relate a lot to your response
Thankfully we do have those easier times. ;)

My face usually says exactly what I am thinking. I may think I am doing a great job of controlling my mouth and then my husband reminds me that my body language is communicaing very clearly. :shock: A little too clearly! :( Therefore, saying sorry if I am not would escalate things for us.

At times I am guilty of being set in my ways, wanting my way, or being stubborn about something. However, I end up realizing how the situation was hurtful to the peace in our home and know that things should have been done differently to have prevented that. It's all a learning experience.
Shannon, I relate to this Completely! He reads me like a book. He can tell just by looking at me, when my stubbornness is getting in the way.
@AddyJane, when my facial expressions and body language show defiance because I am determined to be right, he sends me in the corner and has me think about things. It always calms me down. I assess my behavior, truly think about the sitituation, and if I still feel.like I am in the right, then I can will be calm enough to express my self rationally and repsectfully.

He may or may not change his mind on his decision, but at least he is more willing to listen.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

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