Bra

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
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Sassyclouds
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:21 am

I was so sad to read some of what DisciplinedWife wrote, such as,

"I WOULD SUBMIT TO HIS EVER INCREASING PUNISHMENTS TIL I COULD MAKE HIM SEE THE CORRECT PATH. I would pray to God to give me the strength to bear the pain and the wisdom to convince him about his mistakes".

We are talking about her HOH not wanting his wife to wear a bra. Wearing a bra is not just for modesty. Many women, such as myself, wear a bra to help support my breasts everyday. Proper support of breasts, on a woman, can help with back pain, etc.

A loving HOH would NEVER want to cause his wife pain like that. I would NEVER submit to be punished because I don't want back pain. A real HOH would help his TIH,, not make horribly, selfish and cruel rules to begin with.

There is a fine line between abuse and discipline in this lifestyle. Many outsiders don't understand and that's why we can't tell our friends and family hey, I hurt, my HOH spanked/punished me, so hard last night or grounded me or took my privileges away, etc. Most would say your being abused and get help!

Maybe I am not a submissive wife/TIH (before when I had DD), because I would NEVER let him punish me for needing to support one of my body parts. I would not let him spank me over and over again while waiting to see if he actually worries about causing me undo pain in my back. Punishment is never suppose to harm our backs, that would be abuse, right? Obviously most HOHs are stronger than their TIHs, mine was much stronger than me, so he could easily "force me to be punished".

Is that really what DD is about? HOHs making up rules that physically, mentally or both, hurt TIHs? And, the TIHs saying, "Yes, Sir" and immediately bending over to be spanked, or punished, willingly for those "rules" by her HOH? And, being punished harder and with more severity, every time until, maybe, the HOH starts caring about the health and well-being of his TIH? Or maybe until he's broken his wife's spirit and made her afraid of her husband? Or, when she can't take the pain of the punishments anymore and decides to deal with back pain instead? That is just plain abuse to me 😥 😥 😥
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

DisciplinedWife
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:12 am

Re: Bra

Post by DisciplinedWife » Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:50 am

Dear SassyClouds,

I understand that you are going through a traumatic phase in your life. If you read my post completely, I condemned the behaviour of Smoothy20. The key points which you may feel problematic but which I believe strongly are:

1- My conceptualisation of DD is built on wedding vows and trust between husband and wife. If mutual trust and love is absent, marriage cannot run.
2- Husbands have the unilateral right to make rules. It is better if wives are consulted but their consent or even their opinion is not strictly required.
3- Disobedience leads to punishment
4- Wives should disobey when rules go against God. But they should be ready to face punishment
5- Repeat mistakes would lead to harsher punishments
6- If a husband persists in ungodly ways for long, the marriage is void in eyes of God as the HoH himself is desecrating a sacrament before God. In such cases, the wife should seek divorce
7- Divorce should be last resort

In my own case, I cannot see my husband making such an egotistical and maniacal rule.

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:51 am

DisciplinedWife wrote:
Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:50 am
Dear SassyClouds,

I understand that you are going through a traumatic phase in your life. If you read my post completely, I condemned the behaviour of Smoothy20. The key points which you may feel problematic but which I believe strongly are:

1- My conceptualisation of DD is built on wedding vows and trust between husband and wife. If mutual trust and love is absent, marriage cannot run.
2- Husbands have the unilateral right to make rules. It is better if wives are consulted but their consent or even their opinion is not strictly required.
3- Disobedience leads to punishment
4- Wives should disobey when rules go against God. But they should be ready to face punishment
5- Repeat mistakes would lead to harsher punishments
6- If a husband persists in ungodly ways for long, the marriage is void in eyes of God as the HoH himself is desecrating a sacrament before God. In such cases, the wife should seek divorce
7- Divorce should be last resort

In my own case, I cannot see my husband making such an egotistical and maniacal rule.
I understand. I'm sure your husband is the kind of HOH that is loving, fair, consistent and wants to help you and your marriage. I'm really happy for you 😊

What made me sad about your other comment was that you told him to punish his wife. To punish her for refusing to not wear a bra 😥 He should not be an HOH to begin with. If he loves her, he needs to learn about being a HOH that only disciplines out of love, not selfish, ridiculous reasons.

You basically recommended a man punish his wife in what I think could possibly be a more abusive relationship, not a loving DD one. Maybe I'm just scared for her because I dealt with so much from my soon to be ex husband. I'm sorry. You are really nice Disciplinedwife.

Am I the only one afraid for his wife?
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

DisciplinedWife
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:12 am

Re: Bra

Post by DisciplinedWife » Sun Jan 19, 2020 1:03 pm

Dear SassyCloud,

Thanks for your wishes. I am in a relationship where I feel the HoH bears responsibility of making me a better person. Based on his posts, I also do not feel that Smoothy20 is fit to be a HoH. But the point where we probably differ is:

1- For good or bad, Smoothy20 is currently the HoH
2- A direct order from him was disobeyed
3- The disobedience needs to him have consequences

Hence, I suggested both the cancellation of the rule as well as punishment for disobedience (punishment is not for wearing a bra). The HoH may decide to reduce the punishment to a warning. But these type of situations, where the HoH is abusive, are one major drawback of DD. A DD relationship is only as good as the HoH.

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sun Jan 19, 2020 3:44 pm

I do understand. Thank you. I guess, I was just stuck on the "no bra rule", not on "the importance of submitting to your HOH". It is an amazing feeling to submit to the man you love if he is deserving of that respect and obedience. But, if he takes advantage of the authority he has over you and hurts you, just because he can, concerns me.

Maybe he will be a good HOH someday. If he loves his wife, he'll learn more about being a loving, fair and consistent HOH. This site is full of educational stories. Real life examples and talking with other, more experienced HOHs, will help him.

I have learned a lot here to. I am not 100% submissive. I just, personally, couldn't submit to being punished for something so selfish, inconsiderate and worse.

I fought so hard once when I was going to be punished for being too tired to stay up really late with my husband, soon to be ex. I still can't believe how selfish and cruel he was in getting so mad at me and forcefully spanking me so hard. I get up early with our kids. He worked nights and was a night person. Anyway, I guess I was wrong fighting him on my spanking. I know I made it worse and him more angry by fighting.
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

C anderson
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:56 pm

Re: Bra

Post by C anderson » Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:23 pm

DisciplinedWife wrote:
Sun Jan 19, 2020 1:03 pm
Dear SassyCloud,

Thanks for your wishes. I am in a relationship where I feel the HoH bears responsibility of making me a better person. Based on his posts, I also do not feel that Smoothy20 is fit to be a HoH. But the point where we probably differ is:

1- For good or bad, Smoothy20 is currently the HoH
2- A direct order from him was disobeyed
3- The disobedience needs to him have consequences

Hence, I suggested both the cancellation of the rule as well as punishment for disobedience (punishment is not for wearing a bra). The HoH may decide to reduce the punishment to a warning. But these type of situations, where the HoH is abusive, are one major drawback of DD. A DD relationship is only as good as the HoH.

Please understand, I am not trying to be disrespectful to you, as I believe everyone has the right to there beliefs. I just want to comment on some things per my beliefs...

I am re-writing my response, as I do believe I let my emotions get the best of me. I strongly believe in an agreement on the rules we will be submitting to. There is no place for self serving rules in this lifestyle. They do not earn respect and are hurtful. It can lead to a lot of emotional damage if you are putting your trust in the person you love most and they abuse that trust for selfish reasons. While trust and respect are earned, they can also be lost and I don’t believe any of us want that for our relationship.

While this is somewhat unrelated, I feel I need to comment on this as it has weighed heavily on me for some time.
I had read in a post one time a HoH stated that he forced his wife to “service him” after every punishment. I also read where a Female HoH said she did the same thing. So, we all understand that is sexual assault correct. She was just punished, so she has no fight left in her after willingly submitting to severe punishment. And the husband in the FML relationship is forced
To service his wife before punishment. Both are done out of impending or recent physical punishment. You don’t have to be held down to be sexually assaulted. Fear is what causes submission there. I know this is unrelated to this thread, but just wanted to touch on that briefly

Disciplined Wife, I am not going through a traumatic time in life. I am the happiest I have ever been and have an amazing partner in my Charlie. Yet, I find your statements very sad. It is disconcerting that you would submit to unjustified punishment, just because your HoH demands it, repeatedly, over and over due to a rule you had no part in setting for your relationship. Now please know, I’m not saying your HoH is abusive, or anything like that. I am simply responding to your mindset in your hypothetical scenario. We are all obviously entitled in this life to live it the way we want but also understand why someone may think that your comments are sad.

One last comment, also unrelated to this post or maybe not, please know that when someone does not consent to corporal punishment, telling them to just behave better so they don’t get spanked is inciting and promoting violence. So, yes. We are all here as we are a part of a similar lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean we can know the intent of some people. Please just don’t encourage punishment for non consenting partners. I have an amazing HoH, and I can see there are some amazing people in this group and I feel blessed to have found you all. But you have to know, not everyone has the same heart as you.
Last edited by C anderson on Sun Jan 19, 2020 10:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A strong woman loving and respecting the amazing man that she loves Charlie.Ander1

C anderson
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:56 pm

Re: Bra

Post by C anderson » Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:27 pm

Sassyclouds wrote:
Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:51 am
DisciplinedWife wrote:
Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:50 am
Dear SassyClouds,

I understand that you are going through a traumatic phase in your life. If you read my post completely, I condemned the behaviour of Smoothy20. The key points which you may feel problematic but which I believe strongly are:

1- My conceptualisation of DD is built on wedding vows and trust between husband and wife. If mutual trust and love is absent, marriage cannot run.
2- Husbands have the unilateral right to make rules. It is better if wives are consulted but their consent or even their opinion is not strictly required.
3- Disobedience leads to punishment
4- Wives should disobey when rules go against God. But they should be ready to face punishment
5- Repeat mistakes would lead to harsher punishments
6- If a husband persists in ungodly ways for long, the marriage is void in eyes of God as the HoH himself is desecrating a sacrament before God. In such cases, the wife should seek divorce
7- Divorce should be last resort

In my own case, I cannot see my husband making such an egotistical and maniacal rule.
I understand. I'm sure your husband is the kind of HOH that is loving, fair, consistent and wants to help you and your marriage. I'm really happy for you 😊

What made me sad about your other comment was that you told him to punish his wife. To punish her for refusing to not wear a bra 😥 He should not be an HOH to begin with. If he loves her, he needs to learn about being a HOH that only disciplines out of love, not selfish, ridiculous reasons.

You basically recommended a man punish his wife in what I think could possibly be a more abusive relationship, not a loving DD one. Maybe I'm just scared for her because I dealt with so much from my soon to be ex husband. I'm sorry. You are really nice Disciplinedwife.

Am I the only one afraid for his wife?
Completely agree with you. There is a legitimate concern. I am sorry for your recent situation SassyClouds. I know it was heartbreaking for you, put you deserve to be loved and cherished, and I am certain you will find that. ♥️
A strong woman loving and respecting the amazing man that she loves Charlie.Ander1

C anderson
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2019 1:56 pm

Re: Bra

Post by C anderson » Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:30 pm

DisciplinedWife wrote:
Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:50 am

4- Wives should disobey when rules go against God. But they should be ready to face punishment
This comment here, sad. No one should be punished for their desire to live by Gods rules. Wars have been fought for this right. Do you honestly believe this???
A strong woman loving and respecting the amazing man that she loves Charlie.Ander1

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Phil04
Posts: 312
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2018 8:42 am
Location: Texas

Re: Bra

Post by Phil04 » Sun Jan 19, 2020 7:00 pm

C Anderson,
I disagree with your statement that there is no such thing as blanket consent. A blanket consent can be given. It can also be withdrawn. However, once it is given, it is in place until it is withdrawn. So in the case of the TiH having to service the HoH, no, I don't believe that is sexual assault. If there is some form of blanket consent in place, and the TiH never indicated any attempt to withdraw that consent, why would you think the "servicing" is not consentual?

Phil

Rand E
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:45 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Bra

Post by Rand E » Sun Jan 19, 2020 8:02 pm

The way that DD couples go about handling the issue of consent is interesting to me. I can see from the posts here that there is a lot of variation in how couples handle it and even in how they understand the concept in the first place. Unfortunately, this consent topic came up in the midst of a rather disagreeable subject concerning the wife wearing a bra, so it was bound to get some folks a bit riled up. I really wish the consent topic could be started on its own thread and discussed in a broader context than this.

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