Bra

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
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Phil04
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Re: Bra

Post by Phil04 » Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:19 pm

As an HOH I see so much in this, I don't know where to start.

It appears that you are fairly new to the DD life-style. As such I recommend focusing on meaningful rules. Rules that both parties will benefit from. This will build trust and respect between you. Once that trust is in place, then an occasional "just because" rule is OK. But something like this, I would never make a blanket rule. Closest I would come would be telling her to leave the bra behind for a specific outing.

There is also the issue of her open disobedience.

My best advice, you two are obviously not on the same page and you need a couple evenings of deep conversations before proceeding. You might even need a written contract.

Phil

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pm

I agree with Phil 😊 Except, when he said,

"There is also the issue of her open disobedience"

When it comes to being told to not wear a bra and no reason is given, plus if it hurts her to not wear a bra (like me), then I would never obey that "rule". She shouldn't either. When you wrote that, given the kind of HOH he is, it might make him want to punish her 😥

You seem good Phil, but he still needs to learn...
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

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Phil04
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Re: Bra

Post by Phil04 » Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:31 am

Sassyclouds wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pm
I agree with Phil 😊 Except, when he said,

"There is also the issue of her open disobedience"

When it comes to being told to not wear a bra and no reason is given, plus if it hurts her to not wear a bra (like me), then I would never obey that "rule". She shouldn't either. When you wrote that, given the kind of HOH he is, it might make him want to punish her 😥

You seem good Phil, but he still needs to learn...
I simply meant that disobedience is one of the four Ds that most couples build their DD rules around. If I ever set a rule that was detrimental like that, I would expect My_Love to approach me and have a discussion. Open defiance is not allowed, even of a bad rule. It was just another reason I believe they are not on the same page, and need to spend a lot of time talking things through.

Phil

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:42 am

Phil04 wrote:
Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:31 am
Sassyclouds wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pm
I agree with Phil 😊 Except, when he said,

"There is also the issue of her open disobedience"

When it comes to being told to not wear a bra and no reason is given, plus if it hurts her to not wear a bra (like me), then I would never obey that "rule". She shouldn't either. When you wrote that, given the kind of HOH he is, it might make him want to punish her 😥

You seem good Phil, but he still needs to learn...
I simply meant that disobedience is one of the four Ds that most couples build their DD rules around. If I ever set a rule that was detrimental like that, I would expect My_Love to approach me and have a discussion. Open defiance is not allowed, even of a bad rule. It was just another reason I believe they are not on the same page, and need to spend a lot of time talking things through.

Phil
Thank you for explaining why you said that. I understand now. You are a good HOH 😊 Hopefully, he'll take your advice.
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Simon Says
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Location: Virginia

Re: Bra

Post by Simon Says » Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:35 am

I just want to say that when I started reading this thread, I did not expect so much helpful insight over the bra-no bra issue! I really appreciate the comments from Phil, and Lauren, Candace, Olivia, and others. It is very educational!

Clearly, "just cuz I can" rules are an abuse of authority by an HoH and will undermine, not strengthen the relationship, but I also think willful disobedience to an HoH's authority will also undermine the relationship. Communication and understanding, intimacy, deepening the relationship and seeking the betterment of your sub should be among the goals!

I am still curious about the reasoning behind Smoothy's "no bra" rule. Is it really, "just cuz I can", or is there a reason that he is avoiding admitting here?

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sat Jan 18, 2020 11:57 am

Simon Says wrote:
Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:35 am
I just want to say that when I started reading this thread, I did not expect so much helpful insight over the bra-no bra issue! I really appreciate the comments from Phil, and Lauren, Candace, Olivia, and others. It is very educational!

Clearly, "just cuz I can" rules are an abuse of authority by an HoH and will undermine, not strengthen the relationship, but I also think willful disobedience to an HoH's authority will also undermine the relationship. Communication and understanding, intimacy, deepening the relationship and seeking the betterment of your sub should be among the goals!

I am still curious about the reasoning behind Smoothy's "no bra" rule. Is it really, "just cuz I can", or is there a reason that he is avoiding admitting here?
Perfectly said 😃
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

C anderson
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Re: Bra

Post by C anderson » Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:12 pm

Smoothy20 ...

Honestly, I just don’t feel this is a circumstance that any HoH should demand a rule to not ever wear a bra. Unless, obviously, the wife is wearing or not wearing a bra as part of an inappropriate outfit in general. Although, even then, maybe just speak to her about why it bothers you.
It seems you have zero respect for your wife if you demand she become uncomfortable in her own skin so that you can fulfill some “breast fantasy” that you may have. This is not an example of a HoH loving nor supporting their wife. This is an example of selfish, self serving attempts to demand your fantasy is fulfilled with zero regard for your WIFE.
If my HoH attempted a rule like this, not only would I immediately and openly defy it, if he attempted to punish me for wearing a bra, he would have one hell of a fight on his hands. This is egocentric control, not loving DD.
A strong woman loving and respecting the amazing man that she loves Charlie.Ander1

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Sassyclouds
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Re: Bra

Post by Sassyclouds » Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:37 pm

C anderson wrote:
Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:12 pm


If my HoH attempted a rule like this, not only would I immediately and openly defy it, if he attempted to punish me for wearing a bra, he would have one hell of a fight on his hands. This is egocentric control, not loving DD.

I agree!! I said the same thing. I would NEVER let my HOH (when I had one...) tell me I couldn't wear a bra!! I would fight so hard if I were going to be spanked for that!! I would have lost...my soon to be ex husband was so much stronger.
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

Charlie.Ander1
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Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:38 pm

Re: Bra

Post by Charlie.Ander1 » Sat Jan 18, 2020 1:03 pm

C anderson wrote:
Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:12 pm
Smoothy20 ...

Although, even then, maybe just speak to her about why it bothers you.
It seems you have zero respect for your wife if you demand she become uncomfortable in her own skin
Exactly. Communication is a huge part of a DD relationship and if your wife has a problem with a rule, maybe you should consider sitting down and discussing it, rather than letting your own pride take over. The D about disobeying should be for set rules that have been agreed to by both parties, not just because the HoH says so. And forcing your wife into a rule, whether because you have sexual motivations or because you feel like the should obey your every command regardless of reason, despite the rule going against her religious beliefs and making her uncomfortable, is disrespectful and really shows what you are as a human being. This rule is inconsiderate and it is disgustingly selfish of you to force onto her.
For as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.
Genesis 1:27
In a loving DD marriage, many years strong with C anderson

DisciplinedWife
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Re: Bra

Post by DisciplinedWife » Sun Jan 19, 2020 2:00 am

The duty of a husband is to love, honor and cherish the wife. Forcing the wife to stop wearing a bra without ascribing any reasons when she feels that wearing one is part of her religion is not an example of honoring and cherishing. At the same time, the duty of a wife is to love, honor and obey the husband. Punishments are many-times an outcome of disobedience and accepting them is a stellar example of obedience. The wife in this case has directly disobeyed the husband and hence, in my opinion, deserves to be punished.

In my opinion, Smoothy20 desire to force his wife to go braless is wrong and humiliating for the lady. He should desist from that and maybe gift her something for airing his irrational demands. At the same time, he needs to punish her for not obeying her. I don't think this would have happened with my husband but if he gave such an order I would not implement it and try to convince him. At the same time, I would submit to his ever increasing punishments till I could make him see the correct path. I would pray to God to give me the strength to bear the pain and the wisdom to convince him about his mistakes.

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