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Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:32 pm
by Rand E
For erotic and role-play spanking, I can discuss with lots of people on the spanking themed sites. But for disciplinary spanking between husband and wife, those sites leave me flat. This site and you traditional DD folks are the best place I can find to discuss the topic. I know it's not the basic DD theme of this forum, but anybody on here doing cooperative DD, or Spencer plan, or even just the occasional reciprocation? Am I the only one? :|

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 4:27 pm
by StrapEffect
Hello, Rand E!! Are you in the UK? My husband and I just became members here today, and then I ran across your post. I've asked the same question forever. I am the HoH in our DD relationship, and I give him regular training spankings... and punishments when he violates a boundary. But we found several years ago that I need emotional release every so often to help my focus. Is this what you are describing?

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 12:05 am
by Rand E
My wife and I are a switch couple who have been spankos for the entire 25+ years of our marriage. We only about a year ago began the practice of spanking for punishment and adopted a cooperative domestic discipline arrangement. Our arrangement has many similarities to the DD practiced by the members of this forum, especially the corporal punishment aspect, except in our case it cuts both ways. We have rules that we both must follow, and a rule break may call for discipline on either one of us.

I don't exercise sole authority and discretion, so I can't call myself an HoH. But then again, it's not entirely 50-50, either, since I tend to be more dominant. I wind up punishing my wife more often than vice-versa. Let's say it's more like 80/20. But if I break a rule, I have to submit to the consequences as administered by my wife at her discretion, just as I expect her to submit to me when called for. I always felt that we each have a baked-in dom/sub nature, and some of us, maybe even most of us, are not all dom or all sub but a mixture of both. That's probably why my wife and I are a switch couple in the first place.

I couldn't tell from your post whether you have a set of rules you both have to follow, or whether you have a more traditional DD relationship where you occasionally feel the need to be punished, but are nevertheless the sole HoH in the relationship. I guess the question would be whether your spouse can call you out for a rule break and decide on punishment, or it only happens to you when it's your idea.

But I can certainly understand the need for some reciprocation in any case. I feel much better about administering discipline to my wife knowing what it is like to be on the receiving end. I won't dish it out if I can't take it, so to speak. Plus, there's nothing like getting a good spanking. ;)

This is not to criticize the single dom/sub HoH/TiH model espoused on this forum. It's just that in my case, given that mix of dom-sub in my personality, there is a part of me that needs to submit to my wife sometimes, to her authority and to her discipline. It's in my nature.

I would certainly love to chat with you about your DD arrangement and how it is working out for you and your spouse, and to talk about my own. As you can tell from my post, there don't appear to be many CoDD practitioners on this forum.

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 4:39 pm
by Liz88
Interesting question. And in short, no I'm not in a cooperative DD agreement but I have some thoughts just for conversation.

In my mind, I have a much more dominant personality than my husband. I'm a born leader and even have an advanced degree in Leadership.

BUT I want my husband to be the HOH and for me to submit.

And for me, I've been thinking that perhaps it's my need to be dominated more than my desire to submit that has drawn me to this lifestyle.

I just want someone to take the reigns and discipline and love me into my best self. It is hard doing it myself! I've been doing it for decades, now and I'm tired. (As opposed to wanting to serve someone else out of love...selfish, I know.)

I had the "lead" in our household for the past few years, and I really messed things up. Neither one of us were happy. Since we've "switched", there has been a great balance and a loving strength in our relationship.

I can't imagine disciplining my husband. I was attracted to him because he showed promise as a leader. I wanted to marry him because I saw him as the perfect HOH.

BUT I can imagine another relationship where I am the HOH and wanting to lead someone. I've just never seen the man I married that way. And I think that's why it didn't work when I was the "lead." I started to lose respect because I wanted him to be HOH and to guide me. I didn't want to be responsible for his actions. (Not that is was a DD relationship, but I was definitely making him submit to my version of everything. It was ugly and unhealthy.)

My ex on the other hand? I loved leading him. Again, we weren't DD but I was definitely "in charge" of it all.

Now I'm rambling. Hope this made some sense. Love this topic.

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:28 am
by Rand E
StrapEffect wrote:
Sun Sep 29, 2019 4:27 pm
Hello, Rand E!! Are you in the UK? My husband and I just became members here today, and then I ran across your post. I've asked the same question forever. I am the HoH in our DD relationship, and I give him regular training spankings... and punishments when he violates a boundary. But we found several years ago that I need emotional release every so often to help my focus. Is this what you are describing?
I'm in Los Angeles. Pretty far away from you. But we can still be pen pals. :)

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:41 am
by Rand E
Liz88 wrote:
Mon Sep 30, 2019 4:39 pm
Interesting question. And in short, no I'm not in a cooperative DD agreement but I have some thoughts just for conversation.

In my mind, I have a much more dominant personality than my husband. I'm a born leader and even have an advanced degree in Leadership.

BUT I want my husband to be the HOH and for me to submit.

And for me, I've been thinking that perhaps it's my need to be dominated more than my desire to submit that has drawn me to this lifestyle.

I just want someone to take the reigns and discipline and love me into my best self. It is hard doing it myself! I've been doing it for decades, now and I'm tired. (As opposed to wanting to serve someone else out of love...selfish, I know.)

I had the "lead" in our household for the past few years, and I really messed things up. Neither one of us were happy. Since we've "switched", there has been a great balance and a loving strength in our relationship.

I can't imagine disciplining my husband. I was attracted to him because he showed promise as a leader. I wanted to marry him because I saw him as the perfect HOH.

BUT I can imagine another relationship where I am the HOH and wanting to lead someone. I've just never seen the man I married that way. And I think that's why it didn't work when I was the "lead." I started to lose respect because I wanted him to be HOH and to guide me. I didn't want to be responsible for his actions. (Not that is was a DD relationship, but I was definitely making him submit to my version of everything. It was ugly and unhealthy.)

My ex on the other hand? I loved leading him. Again, we weren't DD but I was definitely "in charge" of it all.

Now I'm rambling. Hope this made some sense. Love this topic.

My wife and I are a switch couple, and have been for our entire 25+ year marriage. So when we decided to adopt some form of DD last year, it just naturally had to be cooperative. Although I am the more dominant partner, I could tell it just wouldn't work for me to be a 100% dominant HoH in the relationship. Despite the differences, I think we have many things in common with the DD couples on this forum, and our experiences have given me a better understanding and appreciation of DD in general. This forum is really great, but it's just that sometimes I feel like a bit of an odd duck here. :|

Re: Any couples engaged in cooperative DD arrangement?

Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2019 12:39 am
by Rand E
Rand E wrote:
Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:28 am
StrapEffect wrote:
Sun Sep 29, 2019 4:27 pm
Hello, Rand E!! Are you in the UK? My husband and I just became members here today, and then I ran across your post. I've asked the same question forever. I am the HoH in our DD relationship, and I give him regular training spankings... and punishments when he violates a boundary. But we found several years ago that I need emotional release every so often to help my focus. Is this what you are describing?
I'm in Los Angeles. Pretty far away from you. But we can still be pen pals. :)
What happened to you? Your husband is doing all the talking. Get back on here! :)