Feeling troubled

Spanking and Domestic Discipline
Olivia
Posts: 532
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:09 am

Re: Feeling troubled

Post by Olivia » Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:02 am

Sorry to hear about your husband's health issues

What someone had done when they were in a situation similar to you was to practice submissiveness until their partner got comfortable and eventually he couldn't see their lives without dd

What she did was speak respectfully, ask permission, show appreciation.... all those nice things! Then when she messed up, she went to him..... sorry that I did x... will you punish me or I feel I should be punished ....something along those lines....
Eventually, he became comfortable leading and it worked for them!

Chamed
Posts: 31
Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:51 pm
Location: Central Illinois

Re: Feeling troubled

Post by Chamed » Fri Jan 10, 2020 8:14 am

I don't know if you want to mention this to him or even show him a copy. It takes a while to fine tune how one sets standards. My wife had a difficulty in communicating. But I did set behavior standards (although she had one big problem, lying to cover up anything she thought might upset me). And set punishments.
So I started at the beginning day 1 of our marriage. And some times it was too severe. It does take some trial and error. But it needed feed back and at first I had to sense it myself. I kept encouraging her to talk in part because I didn't like working so blind. Eventually she did and things worked much better.
Oldfashionedwife if you are willing to discuss you have an advantage over what we had. This was 1974 and I never knew of DD but came on this on our own. I didn't like flying blind and I made more than a few mistakes. I want to reassure him that he will make some mistakes. But these lead to a better relationship. And especially your feedback will help tremendously. So he does need to try and win and lose a few. We don't like doing the wrong things and very especially with the one we love. But unless someone wiser than me comes along, as HOH you can't do nothing.

Goldilocks
Posts: 682
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:34 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Feeling troubled

Post by Goldilocks » Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:07 pm

My husband wasn't natural HOH either. He was also fearful of taking things too far at the beginning and so unsure that he wouldn't spank me at all.
Not even for things I know I should have gotten in trouble for.
It upset him so much the first time he ever spanked me to tears. He cried, too. But once he saw a major change in my behavior just from that one spanking, he realized the benefits of DD.
But for a while it t took me making him almost furious at me to get him to spank me. Then it was a spanking that was more than we bargained for.

However,, we kept talking and I would read him things from this forum and other ones. I also talked about my own feelings. What I wanted from DD. Eventually he started looking up some things on his own.
He read about a contract. We decided that a contract would set real guidelines and rules down for us. It helped A lot! I always knew what would get me in trouble and he always knew what he promised he would do if I broke any of our rules. That way he wasn't second guessing himself.
But if he has never spanked you to tears, the first time will probably be his hardest. So when it happens, make sure you thank him and reassure him. Let him know how it made you feel. Be as positive as possible. He is going to need as much cuddling and after care as you will.
Loving submissive wife to PapaBear.

oldfashionedwife
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Re: Feeling troubled

Post by oldfashionedwife » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:35 pm

Well...hubby apparently read what I wrote to NateG...and he let me have it...He was not happy that I used his health and his past inconsistency as reasons not to continue...In my defense...his health is a big issue for me. I don't want him feeling any stress or over doing it...I didn't think I was using it as an excuse...but anyway...I guess we are back at it. He still thinks that a spanking is just smacking a butt a few times...I don't know how to get him to understand...I've given him things to read but it's not getting thru to him...I'll just keep looking until I find the right thing...

JackOfHearts
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2019 9:18 am

Re: Feeling troubled

Post by JackOfHearts » Sun Jan 12, 2020 5:26 pm

oldfashionedwife wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:35 pm
Well...hubby apparently read what I wrote to NateG...and he let me have it...He was not happy that I used his health and his past inconsistency as reasons not to continue...In my defense...his health is a big issue for me. I don't want him feeling any stress or over doing it...I didn't think I was using it as an excuse...but anyway...I guess we are back at it. He still thinks that a spanking is just smacking a butt a few times...I don't know how to get him to understand...I've given him things to read but it's not getting thru to him...I'll just keep looking until I find the right thing...
Sometimes it just takes time to sink in. You can try to tell from different angles and perspectives, improve your own reasoning... but at some point instead of trying harder just some patience can do the trick!

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