Question for Men

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DesertRose
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Question for Men

Post by DesertRose » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:32 pm

Hello everyone,

I have a question specifically for men:
If you were on a dating website, why would you choose to message a girl from outside your country?
Last edited by DesertRose on Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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sweetie
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Re: Question for Men

Post by sweetie » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:17 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:32 pm
Hello everyone,

I have a question specifically for men:
If you were on a dating website, why would you choose to message a girl from outside your country?

As some of you know, I'm in a relationship with someone I met in a dating website who is from outside my country, he massaged me first... and after knowing him for few months we decided to meet in person and take our relationship to the next level.

However, people .. especially men in my life,, keep on telling me that when a man decides to marry a girl from outside his country.. especially if he met her through dating website.. it is something suspicious and I should be worried.

What do you guys think?
Obviously I can’t speak for all men, and I’ve never used a dating site and, if I did, I don’t think I’d message someone from another country unless I was (a) interested in moving to that country or (b) the lady’s profile said she was prepared to move to a different country.

From a personal safety standpoint I’m very glad he’s coming to your country for your meeting, and I think you said this would be with your family present, because if you were going to his country (before you really knew him) that would potentially be very high risk.

That said, I googled “Why would a man message a woman from another country on a dating website”. There were quite a few links came up. I only looked at two which intrigued me and these are below. If you google the same, there’s quite a few to look at.

Why do I get messages from men on dating sites who live hundreds or thousands of miles away:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comment ... ing_sites/

Dating someone from another country seriously raised my standards for love:
https://www.bolde.com/dating-someone-an ... ards-love/

I would urge you to be careful but also to trust your instincts. If you do go to his country I’d strongly suggest you don’t travel alone. Also, and I’m sure you’ve thought about this, maybe even discussed this, but a long-term relationship will be very difficult unless you both live in the same country so, at some stage, at least one of you would need to relocate to the other’s country, unless you both relocated to a completely different country.

I hope this is helpful and not too presumptuous.

Good luck 🍀
sweetie x
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DesertRose
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Re: Question for Men

Post by DesertRose » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:25 pm

sweetie wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:17 pm
Obviously I can’t speak for all men, and I’ve never used a dating site and, if I did, I don’t think I’d message someone from another country unless I was (a) interested in moving to that country or (b) the lady’s profile said she was prepared to move to a different country.

From a personal safety standpoint I’m very glad he’s coming to your country for your meeting, and I think you said this would be with your family present, because if you were going to his country (before you really knew him) that would potentially be very high risk.

That said, I googled “Why would a man message a woman from another country on a dating website”. There were quite a few links came up. I only looked at two which intrigued me and these are below. If you google the same, there’s quite a few to look at.

Why do I get messages from men on dating sites who live hundreds or thousands of miles away:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comment ... ing_sites/

Dating someone from another country seriously raised my standards for love:
https://www.bolde.com/dating-someone-an ... ards-love/

I would urge you to be careful but also to trust your instincts. If you do go to his country I’d strongly suggest you don’t travel alone. Also, and I’m sure you’ve thought about this, maybe even discussed this, but a long-term relationship will be very difficult unless you both live in the same country so, at some stage, at least one of you would need to relocate to the other’s country, unless you both relocated to a completely different country.

I hope this is helpful and not too presumptuous.

Good luck 🍀
Thank you, sweetie, I will make sure to read the articles you posted. Actually, it's said on my profile that I'm ready to relocate, also from the beginning I told him that in order for us to meet in person he has to come to my country. We agreed that when he comes, and if we both liked each other in person, we would at least get engaged and then I should travel to his country when we get married. So there's no plan for a long-term distant relationship.

I've been all comfortable and happy about this relationship until people begun to make me suspicious. The problem is I don't know what to be suspicious about, I mean what could possibly be his "wrong reason"?
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Re: Question for Men

Post by sweetie » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:30 pm

I’d also suggest you google and research for yourself. I effectively chose those two links at random so they may not be representative, though I tried to pick a positive one and a less positive one. Also I only skim read them so am not sure of the full content. The first one appears to be a forum question and responses. The second one is about dating but I’m not sure if it was online dating specific.
sweetie x
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SurrealSD
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Re: Question for Men

Post by SurrealSD » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:42 pm

DesertRose wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:25 pm

I've been all comfortable and happy about this relationship until people begun to make me suspicious. The problem is I don't know what to be suspicious about, I mean what could possibly be his "wrong reason"?
For some reason women that he tries to date in the more usual way, don't date him for very long. He can't get a woman to stick around for a year or more of dating and engagement, so he chooses to "date" women long-distance.
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

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DesertRose
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Re: Question for Men

Post by DesertRose » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:54 pm

SurrealSD wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:42 pm
For some reason women that he tries to date in the more usual way, don't date him for very long. He can't get a woman to stick around for a year or more of dating and engagement, so he chooses to "date" women long-distance.
So do you think there must be something's wrong with him?
I should mention that he's divorced after 8 years of marriage. He told me that his colleagues tried to set him up with some women, but that's after he knew me.
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Re: Question for Men

Post by SurrealSD » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:16 pm

[quote=DesertRose post_id=11260 time=1544050476 user_id=690]
[quote=SurrealSD post_id=11259 time=1544049749 user_id=781]
For some reason women that he tries to date in the more usual way, don't date him for very long. He can't get a woman to stick around for a year or more of dating and engagement, so he chooses to "date" women long-distance.
[/quote]

So do you think there must be something's wrong with him?
I should mention that he's divorced after 8 years of marriage. He told me that his colleagues tried to set him up with some women, but that's after he knew me.
[/quote]

No I don't think there's something wrong with him. You asked what his "wrong reason" possibly *could* be, and I gave one possible reason. Some people date people far outside their geographic location, or their age range, or their income level for "wrong reasons." Some people do the exact same things for all the right reasons. I think dating someone outside your country, much older or much younger, someone with millions of dollars more than you. . . are all reasons to raise an eyebrow and maybe ask some more questions. There are definitely "wrong reasons" people might do those things. But they could also be doing it for all the right reasons. Proceed with caution, but definitely proceed.
But first, have you tried sitting down with your partner and telling them honestly how you feel?

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Re: Question for Men

Post by Kerry » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:46 pm

My sister was crushed by a guy from Brazil supposedly who travelled to California for work. They talked on the phone. His wife had died. Two young daughters. Horses. Good job. Sweet. He kept having to travel but promised to come. He wasn’t real. She was super excited and then super hurt. Some people are twisted.
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