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Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:20 am
by Lee C
Busylady6 wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 11, 2020 9:46 pm
Lee C wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:19 am
I've been struggling the past few days with feeling like I don't belong here. I don't have a DD relationship despite having advocated it since before I knew what to call it. I don't seem to have much to offer but maybe that's just me and I need to own that.

I just wanted to say thank you to Lauren and Sassyclouds and to the founders of this forum. I really appreciate being here, despite my doubts about it all.


I have not had the opportunity to get to know you however one thing I have come to learn about this community is that everyone belongs... no matter what stage your relationship is at or how you practice the lifestyle or desire to practice you definitely belong within this community.

What I have learned is that those that belong to this community are accepting of people who are in various stages

You don’t have to be spanked to be able to share relational concerns. You have something to contribute πŸ₯°

Please do not feel as though you have nothing to help with


I hope that you feel welcome here ❀️❀️❀️

The thing is I do feel welcome here. I know I'm welcome here. But my life experience always has that stinking demon on my shoulder telling me the opposite and it's relentless, sometimes getting the better of me.

I had a particularly rough couple of days and stayed away from here. And I come back to this kindness!

So having soundly been put in my place :) , thank you, thank you, thank you!

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:07 am
by Sassyclouds
Lee, dear friend, I am still so sorry for your desire and need for DD, but unable to have it.

It is better to not have it, then to have it abused by your HOH. However, in the beginning, it was perfect. It was just what I hoped it would be, so I am glad I did.

My regret was telling my husband about DD in the first place. Before he finally gave in and agreed to try DD.

He changed completely, after first being a good HOH.

He discovered the 4 letters, (B_S_). He wanted that not DD. That was really when our marriage became different and not so good.

I think you should try to experience this. I may not have it now, but I learned so much from the experience, as short as it was. Just like I learned an HOH can abuse the authority and trust you openly give in submission.

I really can't stress this enough, sweetheart, you can't get a person to start spanking and disciplining you, unless he or she wants that just as much as you do. I loved my husband. But, if he had said to me, please spank me, I would have said no, I'm sorry. I loved him. I wanted to please him. But, there are many things he wanted that I just couldn't do. I still loved him.

You said, you love her. You said, because of that, you don't understand why she can't do this for you. Well, sadly, we are not all spankos, definitely not all into this DD lifestyle. My husband was one πŸ˜₯ oh, wanting to spank for fun or discipline or for "role play" or be a man's s_x "slave" and worse, are just some of the things, I could never do. No one can make me "suddenly" want to. I hope that helped.

You are a great friend. You are very nice. I'm so happy to know you on this site πŸ˜ƒ I can't wait to talk more...


Sassy

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:45 am
by Lee C
Sassyclouds wrote: ↑
Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:07 am
Lee, dear friend, I am still so sorry for your desire and need for DD, but unable to have it.

It is better to not have it, then to have it abused by your HOH. However, in the beginning, it was perfect. It was just what I hoped it would be, so I am glad I did.

My regret was telling my husband about DD in the first place. Before he finally gave in and agreed to try DD.

He changed completely, after first being a good HOH.

He discovered the 4 letters, (B_S_). He wanted that not DD. That was really when our marriage became different and not so good.

I think you should try to experience this. I may not have it now, but I learned so much from the experience, as short as it was. Just like I learned an HOH can abuse the authority and trust you openly give in submission.

I really can't stress this enough, sweetheart, you can't get a person to start spanking and disciplining you, unless he or she wants that just as much as you do. I loved my husband. But, if he had said to me, please spank me, I would have said no, I'm sorry. I loved him. I wanted to please him. But, there are many things he wanted that I just couldn't do. I still loved him.

You said, you love her. You said, because of that, you don't understand why she can't do this for you. Well, sadly, we are not all spankos, definitely not all into this DD lifestyle. My husband was one πŸ˜₯ oh, wanting to spank for fun or discipline or for "role play" or be a man's s_x "slave" and worse, are just some of the things, I could never do. No one can make me "suddenly" want to. I hope that helped.

You are a great friend. You are very nice. I'm so happy to know you on this site πŸ˜ƒ I can't wait to talk more...


Sassy
I tried to do bullet points here, instead of my usual college level thesis! i totally failed! :D

There were a few brief months of reluctant DD, I thought I had said that before but I realize it can be easily missed or, just as likely, I just remember it wrong! I had hoped that working through our problems would be the old proverbial "no brainer". (Hmmm, he's listening to me when I talk... he's kinder, more patient, more attentive... he apologizes and means it, really means it.... the house looks great... breakfast is served... dinner is served... he's more affectionate... etc etc).

I had told her I was leaving and she was so horrible to me that I caved in and offered to try to make it work again. I brought up DD yet again in hopes of sorting so many things out - and to her satisfaction no less. It was horrible knowing that she only tried it without any real commitment to it, to me and to our marriage. I know we had so many things to work out. I believed, and still do, that DD would open paths of communication to sort it all out.

I guess I was trying to "convert" her, being completely honest. But as I said in another post, I'm worth it. She's worth it. Our marriage is worth it. I do wish I wan't alone in thinking that way.

I utterly reject the BDSM/Slave thing. How demeaning to men and women. Even when it's consensual, sorry to say.

It's funny, I don't regret advocating DD. I just regret that I don't seem to be worth it in her eyes. I have a ton to offer if I may be so bold. I will also admit that one of the things that bothers me the most is that I see her growing old alone. If/when I can get out of here, she's likely to never have someone again and once I'mgone, it'll be too late. I'm lonely almost to the point of desperation but not for lack of doing my part. My love is romantic and active, hers is totally passive with no romance at all. Not unlike love for a pet or a friend or family member. I see everything in life as a choice of some sort, even things that are part of who and what we are. There's always choice somewhere along the way. I chose to share everything about me, held nothing back. Her choice was to take it all away from me, reject it and neglect it.

I hear everything you're saying and (of course!) you're right! I do know it already but it's good to see it/hear it too. This may sound strange, but being confronted with all of what you said as it relates to me, is comforting, even if the reality is that I don't like that it's true! :)

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 11:06 am
by Sassyclouds
I wish you so much happiness, Lee πŸ™ I feel so sad for your emotional struggles in your marriage πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 11:11 am
by Lee C
Sassyclouds wrote: ↑
Mon Jan 13, 2020 11:06 am
I wish you so much happiness, Lee πŸ™ I feel so sad for your emotional struggles in your marriage πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯
Boy I've taken up a lot of your day today! (No need to reply!)

I wish you your happiness too and have shed more than couple tears reading your story. On behalf of the decent men in the world, I'm sorry for your emotional struggles too!

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 11:13 am
by Sassyclouds
I told you we have a lot in common! Thank you 😊

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:23 pm
by oldfashionedwife
Why does this have to be so complicated ? In some ways it's like being gay and trying to meet someone without everyone knowing that your gay...Do you know what I mean ? I was born this way, I've tried to deny it, I've kept it a secret, most people would not understand and I would most likely be put into therapy...

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 4:55 pm
by Busylady6
Lee C wrote: ↑
Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:20 am
Busylady6 wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 11, 2020 9:46 pm
Lee C wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:19 am
I've been struggling the past few days with feeling like I don't belong here. I don't have a DD relationship despite having advocated it since before I knew what to call it. I don't seem to have much to offer but maybe that's just me and I need to own that.

I just wanted to say thank you to Lauren and Sassyclouds and to the founders of this forum. I really appreciate being here, despite my doubts about it all.


I have not had the opportunity to get to know you however one thing I have come to learn about this community is that everyone belongs... no matter what stage your relationship is at or how you practice the lifestyle or desire to practice you definitely belong within this community.

What I have learned is that those that belong to this community are accepting of people who are in various stages

You don’t have to be spanked to be able to share relational concerns. You have something to contribute πŸ₯°

Please do not feel as though you have nothing to help with


I hope that you feel welcome here ❀️❀️❀️

The thing is I do feel welcome here. I know I'm welcome here. But my life experience always has that stinking demon on my shoulder telling me the opposite and it's relentless, sometimes getting the better of me.

I had a particularly rough couple of days and stayed away from here. And I come back to this kindness!

So having soundly been put in my place :) , thank you, thank you, thank you!

I am grateful to be helpful ❀️ Thank you for being here with us πŸ₯°

Having a rough couple days is the tone we need each other πŸ₯°

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 5:06 pm
by Sassyclouds
oldfashionedwife wrote: ↑
Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:23 pm
Why does this have to be so complicated ? In some ways it's like being gay and trying to meet someone without everyone knowing that your gay...Do you know what I mean ? I was born this way, I've tried to deny it, I've kept it a secret, most people would not understand and I would most likely be put into therapy...

I agree!! I have a close friend who is gay. I never judged her. I love her, no matter what ❀ But, once, when I just brought up spanking, DD, BDSM, just to see how open minded SHE was. She didn't understand why a woman or anyone would want to be spanked. I told her some love it for fun...others out of loving discipline...and some just for kink...pain with pleasure. I still can't believe how she reacted. She said, people like us have problems and need therapy. She said, a woman who lets a man spank her has no confidence and it's abusive, etc. 😲

I accepted her loving the same sex. We both believe in God. So, why is it so hard for her to accept a man as a HOH and the woman being guided and disciplined by him? She doesn't know I always wanted that. She has no idea my soon to be ex husband disciplined me. She knew he controlled everything. She didn't like that.

So, as I've written before, my ex to be told his dad, his lawyer and my lawyer knows, because of it, that he spanked me. He punished me with spankings, etc. I wander if she finds out, what she'll think of me omg πŸ˜†

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 8:02 pm
by oldfashionedwife
OMGosh He told his father and lawyer??!! Why ?? What did your lawyer say ?? I would be super angry with him for revealing such a personal thing...and your friend ? You would think she would be more accepting...I don't get it at all...