Thank you for giving me a place to belong

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Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:19 am

I've been struggling the past few days with feeling like I don't belong here. I don't have a DD relationship despite having advocated it since before I knew what to call it. I don't seem to have much to offer but maybe that's just me and I need to own that.

I just wanted to say thank you to Lauren and Sassyclouds and to the founders of this forum. I really appreciate being here, despite my doubts about it all.
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

Simon Says
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2019 1:30 am
Location: Virginia

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Simon Says » Sat Jan 11, 2020 1:22 am

Lee, you belong here for what you contribute, and for what you want to learn. Like you, I am not in a DD relationship, but I believe such a relationship is right for me. I don't advertise that I am single and looking, because I think a healthy relationship requires so much more than just DD. I don't want a relationship just so that I have someone to spank and discipline regularly, any more than I want a relationship just so that I can have sex regularly. Both are part of a healthy relationship for me, but neither can make a good loving relationship where none otherwise exists. I am sure that spanking and being an HoH is right for me, but I also know that before I can be a good HoH to my one TiH, I have to find that one and know that I love her enough to be steady, consistent, and ready for the intimacy and responsibility that I know comes with being an HoH in a good DD relationship. I don't think DD creates that. I think DD makes it better when you find it, and the nature of the DD relationship depends on the two people involved. Just as every relationship is different, every couple's practice of DD, while it may suit them perfectly, will be different than what is right for another couple. So hang in there Lee. Stay with us. Learn from us and let us learn from you, and when the right person comes along for you, you will be more ready to be a good Tih as you think best for you.

WishingforDD
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2019 8:08 am

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by WishingforDD » Sat Jan 11, 2020 2:15 am

Simon Says wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 1:22 am
Lee, you belong here for what you contribute, and for what you want to learn. Like you, I am not in a DD relationship, but I believe such a relationship is right for me. I don't advertise that I am single and looking, because I think a healthy relationship requires so much more than just DD. I don't want a relationship just so that I have someone to spank and discipline regularly, any more than I want a relationship just so that I can have sex regularly. Both are part of a healthy relationship for me, but neither can make a good loving relationship where none otherwise exists. I am sure that spanking and being an HoH is right for me, but I also know that before I can be a good HoH to my one TiH, I have to find that one and know that I love her enough to be steady, consistent, and ready for the intimacy and responsibility that I know comes with being an HoH in a good DD relationship. I don't think DD creates that. I think DD makes it better when you find it, and the nature of the DD relationship depends on the two people involved. Just as every relationship is different, every couple's practice of DD, while it may suit them perfectly, will be different than what is right for another couple. So hang in there Lee. Stay with us. Learn from us and let us learn from you, and when the right person comes along for you, you will be more ready to be a good Tih as you think best for you.
I just have to say I really liked this reply. It speaks to me in so many ways. I am in a different situation. I am in a relationship, but want to have a DD relationship. As much as I love my SO I don’t think he is a person I could submit to. Plus I don’t think this is something he would want.

Lee, you do belong. I’ve read many of your posts and they have really added value. I haven’t replied to many posts, because I too feel I have little to offer. I think I know what I want, but have no real life experience. But the people here seem so nice and open and friendly.

So, I guess what I wanted to say was please keep posting.

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Sassyclouds
Posts: 138
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Location: USA

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Sassyclouds » Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:09 am

Thank you, again!! You are so sweet, Lee 😃 I am so glad I met you. I enjoy talking to you. And, I agree with them.. You have offered a lot. Please keep commenting.

Before he agreed to DD, I would just get on this site to read. I didn't join for a long time because I had never been spanked by a man. It's hard being married to a non spanko. And, when you discover later in life that you want and need DD from your spouse, it's much harder. In DD, we TIHs want and need the whole package, so to speak.

1. To be lead by a responsible, loving, HOH who we can respect and trust.

2. The security and stability and consistency only a true HOH can provide.

3. It's not just about getting spanked. It's about emotionally and physically being able to reach the submissive side that is very cathartic and feeling so loved. A real HOH can and will do those for his or her TIH.

I tried. I had it for a few months. It was wonderful. It really did help me. However, it became awful after that. I felt it was actually becoming abusive for the rest of the time we.had DD. It can be dangerous if your HOH is...

I wish you luck, my friend. I have been in your shoes, so to speak 😥
I had a marriage with DD. I definitely want that again, if I ever get married again. The closeness and secure feeling in DD was wonderful. The love and respect is amplified after a discipline spanking.... I miss it. I miss having an HOH to help me.

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Lauren
Posts: 1032
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:45 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lauren » Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:20 am

Lee,

You belong here!

Busylady6
Posts: 100
Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:23 pm

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Busylady6 » Sat Jan 11, 2020 9:46 pm

Lee C wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:19 am
I've been struggling the past few days with feeling like I don't belong here. I don't have a DD relationship despite having advocated it since before I knew what to call it. I don't seem to have much to offer but maybe that's just me and I need to own that.

I just wanted to say thank you to Lauren and Sassyclouds and to the founders of this forum. I really appreciate being here, despite my doubts about it all.


I have not had the opportunity to get to know you however one thing I have come to learn about this community is that everyone belongs... no matter what stage your relationship is at or how you practice the lifestyle or desire to practice you definitely belong within this community.

What I have learned is that those that belong to this community are accepting of people who are in various stages

You don’t have to be spanked to be able to share relational concerns. You have something to contribute 🥰

Please do not feel as though you have nothing to help with


I hope that you feel welcome here ❤️❤️❤️

Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 8:53 am

Simon Says wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 1:22 am
Lee, you belong here for what you contribute, and for what you want to learn. Like you, I am not in a DD relationship, but I believe such a relationship is right for me. I don't advertise that I am single and looking, because I think a healthy relationship requires so much more than just DD. I don't want a relationship just so that I have someone to spank and discipline regularly, any more than I want a relationship just so that I can have sex regularly. Both are part of a healthy relationship for me, but neither can make a good loving relationship where none otherwise exists. I am sure that spanking and being an HoH is right for me, but I also know that before I can be a good HoH to my one TiH, I have to find that one and know that I love her enough to be steady, consistent, and ready for the intimacy and responsibility that I know comes with being an HoH in a good DD relationship. I don't think DD creates that. I think DD makes it better when you find it, and the nature of the DD relationship depends on the two people involved. Just as every relationship is different, every couple's practice of DD, while it may suit them perfectly, will be different than what is right for another couple. So hang in there Lee. Stay with us. Learn from us and let us learn from you, and when the right person comes along for you, you will be more ready to be a good Tih as you think best for you.
Spot on, thank you!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 8:56 am

WishingforDD wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 2:15 am
Simon Says wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 1:22 am
Lee, you belong here for what you contribute, and for what you want to learn. Like you, I am not in a DD relationship, but I believe such a relationship is right for me. I don't advertise that I am single and looking, because I think a healthy relationship requires so much more than just DD. I don't want a relationship just so that I have someone to spank and discipline regularly, any more than I want a relationship just so that I can have sex regularly. Both are part of a healthy relationship for me, but neither can make a good loving relationship where none otherwise exists. I am sure that spanking and being an HoH is right for me, but I also know that before I can be a good HoH to my one TiH, I have to find that one and know that I love her enough to be steady, consistent, and ready for the intimacy and responsibility that I know comes with being an HoH in a good DD relationship. I don't think DD creates that. I think DD makes it better when you find it, and the nature of the DD relationship depends on the two people involved. Just as every relationship is different, every couple's practice of DD, while it may suit them perfectly, will be different than what is right for another couple. So hang in there Lee. Stay with us. Learn from us and let us learn from you, and when the right person comes along for you, you will be more ready to be a good Tih as you think best for you.
I just have to say I really liked this reply. It speaks to me in so many ways. I am in a different situation. I am in a relationship, but want to have a DD relationship. As much as I love my SO I don’t think he is a person I could submit to. Plus I don’t think this is something he would want.

Lee, you do belong. I’ve read many of your posts and they have really added value. I haven’t replied to many posts, because I too feel I have little to offer. I think I know what I want, but have no real life experience. But the people here seem so nice and open and friendly.

So, I guess what I wanted to say was please keep posting.
I was told this weekend not to talk about something important to me. It's not the first time. Thank you for the encouragement to keep posting. I'll take you up on it! :D
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:16 am

Sassyclouds wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:09 am
Thank you, again!! You are so sweet, Lee 😃 I am so glad I met you. I enjoy talking to you. And, I agree with them.. You have offered a lot. Please keep commenting.

Before he agreed to DD, I would just get on this site to read. I didn't join for a long time because I had never been spanked by a man. It's hard being married to a non spanko. And, when you discover later in life that you want and need DD from your spouse, it's much harder. In DD, we TIHs want and need the whole package, so to speak.

1. To be lead by a responsible, loving, HOH who we can respect and trust.

2. The security and stability and consistency only a true HOH can provide.

3. It's not just about getting spanked. It's about emotionally and physically being able to reach the submissive side that is very cathartic and feeling so loved. A real HOH can and will do those for his or her TIH.

I tried. I had it for a few months. It was wonderful. It really did help me. However, it became awful after that. I felt it was actually becoming abusive for the rest of the time we.had DD. It can be dangerous if your HOH is...

I wish you luck, my friend. I have been in your shoes, so to speak 😥
One of my musical heroes died last week, Neil Peart of Rush. He wrote lyrics for a song called "Losing It" and the last lines of the song are "...sadder still to watch it die then never to have known it...". That weighs heavily on me for more reasons than I can recount here but it's exactly what came to mind with your reply. To experience something that's important and then to lose it has to be worse than never knowing/experiencing.

Couple that with someone who accused you of "forcing them to do something they didn't want" and it can become unbearable. That's what I was told this weekend.

DD has value and is worth the effort of time and effort if, as "Simon Says" said, it's in addition to a stable , loving relationship.

I have to say as a person who readily embraces his "bottom-hood" ;) if I were asked to top and understood that it met her need, I'd be all in. Why wouldn't I do this for the one I love? Why would I be so selfish that I would deny something that serves her and meets her need? If I truly love the person I'm with and that's what it takes, why the heck wouldn't I?

I love your 3 points Sassy! Like Simon's post, they are a great expression of what it's all about.

The bottom line (no pun intended!) is that I'm worth it. She's worth it. Sassy, YOU'RE worth it! When I told her that we, both individually and collectively, are worth it and deserve better, the response was sadness, not 'Yeah, you're right!" I know I have my own selfish desires, just because I'm human, but that's because everyone of us is that way. But what I'll never understand is how someone who gives, sacrifices and serves could be so utterly rejected and neglected.

And just to not end on that particularly depressing thought, you must have big feet Sassy, if you can fit into my shoes! :D :D
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

Lee C
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:26 pm
Location: Northeast US

Re: Thank you for giving me a place to belong

Post by Lee C » Mon Jan 13, 2020 9:16 am

Lauren wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:20 am
Lee,

You belong here!
Thank you Lauren!
My dream is to love my wife and be loved by her and I am willing to submit to her disciplinary authority so that I can be the best I can be to serve her and others.

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